The day we've all been waiting for...well, maybe it was just me waiting for it. Or pretending it wouldn't come. I met my oncologist yesterday and liked her very much. Her undergrad was with honors, she was chief resident at IU and then her MD from Vanderbilt, so she's no slouch. She's my age or a little younger. Very kind and nice.
She said all my situations fall in the middle of the road--the size of my cancer mass, my age, the aggressiveness of my cancer cells, are all mid-range. The onco-type test takes two weeks to get the results. Even if it comes back that I have a "low likelihood" of recurrence from that test, she would still be recommending that I do chemo, sooner rather than later. Also, there were cancer cells in the right breast tissue. They were immeasurable, but existed. So, another thing to be thankful for--getting them both done. PTL
She said chemo lowers your recurrence risk by 40%. Taking Tamoxifen after that lowers the remaining risk by another 18%, so they are worth doing. She felt like she was the bearer of bad news, although it isn't really bad news. It's a temporary tunnel you pass through to make the far end of the road longer, I guess.
She said my hair would fall out 19 days after the first treatment. I have to have four treatments, 21 days apart. She said you feel pretty crappy for about a week, then your blood counts drop and you need to be very careful about germs and fresh fruits and vegetables at that point. Then about the time you get feeling better it's time to do it again.
I cried. I admit it. It's so silly to cry over something that seems so shallow, but in reality, it's a BIG part of my identity. Handyman LOVES my hair. It is my one vanity solely because he has always gone on and on about how he loves it. I am glad it will be winter; and I am glad I really do like hats. I will hate having no eyelashes especially. But it gives me a chance to be humble and to pick out something else to identify me, I guess. How about a big blue blob? Oh, right, I can't be showing that to everyone. It is getting lighter in color, but the oncologist said it would last awhile. Wonder what her definition of "awhile" is?
It'll still be football season, so that'll help. And I'm signing up for Netflix. My concession to cancer?? Netflix. No late fees. I just have to walk to my mailbox. My friend RM is giving me some recipes for homemade calorie-intensive foods to boost my strength. I think I'm going to take #1 and #2 to Olive Garden for an early birthday dinner, while I still feel like eating.
I'm considering the whole hibernation thing--don't show my face until March 1. My blog b/c friend, Gail has been through her first treatment, so I have some hints of what goes on. I'm sure my friend Aibrean will have words to encourage me with, since she has walked this road, with a great sense of fashion, I might add.
Here's what I am chanting to myself: IT's TEMPORARY. IT's WORTH IT. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. (You'll look like a bowling pin.) Oh, that's probably not one I should keep repeating.
Well, I have to get a flu shot. I have intensive vacuuming to do. I'm off to search "homeschooling with chemo" and "chemo for the holidays". Bottom line, again: It ain't my pancreas. Thank you Lord that chemo exists. (Remind me of this in two weeks.)
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2 comments:
Ahhhhh! I feel your pain because it was not too long again I was in your shoes, hearing the same words, dreading the hair loss and the reality of BC hitting home. As I sit here today, most of my hair has fallen out (or I have pulled it out) and I am now wearing a cute new wig! My intention was to shave my head once the hair started falling. I could not bring myself to doing it. I did get out a scissors and cut it about an inch short. (I had short hair anyways) Funny, I have not cried about it yet. I thought I would. The few meager strands of hair on my head are MY hair and maybe that is why I have not cried. I love my new wig, so it makes the whole hair loss thing a little easier. I am not a going to be a bald women, just not that type, so you will find your comfort zone whatever that may be. Hats, scarves, wigs, baldness.
As for the chemo, well, mine did no go so well as you have read. Please don't think what happened to me will happen to you. We have a new plan for the next round,and hopefully this one will be smoother. You and I are lucky that we only need 4 rounds of chemo. That is pretty minimal. You will get through it! Stay strong!!!!!
Tracy,
I'm sorry to hear the dreaded news of chemo - I was praying you wouldn't have to do it. I did not have that bad of a time with it. My main problem was getting enough sleep. Considering the fact that I slept for 3 days after a treatment, I'm just not sure how I could've gotten anymore. Will you be getting Adriamycin/Cytoxin? (AC for short) My hair began falling out on day 14, and I had a hair cutting party. We spread a sheet out on the floor, and my husband, kids, sister, niece and I took turns cutting a hunk off. It was really fun. Pictures, the whole thing. My eyebrows didn't fall out until treatment 6 (Taxol), so you might have a reprieve. Check out the American Cancer Society's "Look Good, Feel Better" Program. Well worth the 1-2 hour time investment. Tons of free make-up, and someone telling you how to apply it to keep it germ free.
I struggled with the "no fresh veggies" thing, too. TAKE YOUR VITAMINS - and drink lots of water.
Hydration is very helpful in staving off nausea.
Hope this helps - I'm still praying. God's blessings, Peggy
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