Quick update

Just so you know, no updates have meant that I am feeling great and being busy! I bounced back from chemo even faster this time, only about 3-4 ick days. I have way less hair and really like my wig for all its convenience factors. I have chemo again on Friday.

I had an appt. with the plastic surgeon/generous genius today and due to the chemo, the blue blob spot is still not closed up completely. So, she's taking me in for a 5-minute surgery tomorrow to just remove the darn thing and stitch me up for good. Frankly, I'll be glad to be done with it. I'm sick of looking at it. Anyway, tomorrow afternoon will be spent in wait for that process, then chemo on Friday, then football all weekend.

Then we'll be in the homestretch with only one more to go!

Busy, busy! I didn't send out any Christmas cards this year, so don't think I missed/skipped you!

Hair today--gone today!

Well, last night I came to grips with my hair loss. I decided I had wallowed in the mire long enough. I was dwelling on something that is temporary, albeit somewhat traumatic, but still doesn't need to drag me to the edge of sanity (and with me, several other little women). Anyway, I was sick of looking like Willie Loman and sick of hair everywhere and just plain decided to slap that door shut and move on.

This morning I took a shower hoping that would soothe some of the itchy, irritated feeling and it didn't really do that, but I did have one big rodent-sized clump slide down the back of my leg. Ick! I combed out a lot more and got ready for the wig ladies.

That place was hopping when we got there. DF and I had fun waiting, perusing the ponytails and falls and braidy things and hats. Finally, when I got shown in, Fran the owner commented that I had a lot less hair than when she saw me a week ago. They asked if I wanted it shaved off and I said I guess. I'm so sick of it on my pillow and in my clothes, but shaving one's head is not a cake walk. Still, I pictured Sigourney Weaver in Alien and put on my best brave face, since there were several folks watching. I opted not to watch in the mirror and waited until it was over to take a peek.

Yikes! Boy is my head pale! with black stubbly stuff. Anyway, now I wish I'd gotten a little longer of a wig, but DF said it was really cute and she liked it a lot. The girls visiting tonight liked it and so did #2. Handyman is almost too tired to comment.

The best part of the trip--other than getting cute hair--was learning the t-shirt trick! Take a man's t-shirt and measure up from the bottom hem 15" and cut off the bottom. Take that circle of shirt, position the hem across the front of your forehead, with the remainder hanging down over the back of your shoulders. Twist the two sides around one another behind your head 4x and then bring the twist up and over to the front of your forehead. You now have a completely covering turban twist--so cute! Any color--costs NOTHING! Handyman has about 647 different colored t-shirts in his drawer. Can't wait! Can't wait.

I got to meet Survivormom, who gave me her $20 stash of wig shampoo and conditioner--because SHE DOESN'T NEED IT ANYMORE. She promised me that this too shall pass. And she has cute hair to prove it.

DF sent me home with chicken noodle soup for supper (gone already), zucchini bread, a big vat of my favorite body shop lotion and a yummy air freshener for my car--(Guess horse manure and dog hair isn't on her favorites list.)

Dad and Handyman are building stall doors tomorrow, in a hurry before the big chill on Sunday. Don't know if I'm brave enough to photograph my baldness just yet...

I'll leave you with this image

Indiana politics

All you Hoosiers will soon realize that God is especially cursing me...He's given me the hair of Jill Long Thompson!! I was so relieved for the election to end so I didn't have to see that any longer, and look--it's ME!!





(I've got to talk with my plastic surgeon about doing something with that chin for my next birthday.)

All is not lost!

I'm improving each day--even went out with Handyman for some retail therapy last night at Costco! The hideous hair watch gets more grizzly each day...can't wait to get the wig tomorrow.

The upshot is that the Tribble hat is terrific for indoor wear! It doesn't cover my ears and lays on top like a little cat! I feel crowned.

I am able to enjoy spicy nacho Doritos as opposed to plain ole and I could tell that our salsa from Costco was spicy. Tardy thanks to Survivormom who sent the Turtle Cheesecake with DF on Saturday. We are still enjoying it!

Ack! The wig ladies (who I love!) just called to say my wig is in, but they're both out tomorrow for emergencies and if I want them to trim it for me, I'll have to wait until FRIDAY! You know what that means?? #1 wants to use the hot glue gun to glue bangs into all my hats, just in case...

Ground Hog day

...in that today I am able to lift my head off the bed and pretend coherency. The whole slumber party-chemo treatment thing was not a good choice, but I have survived it. BFF DF had driven all the way here from Greenwood to deliver a meal in a bottomless crock pot and I could barely sit up at the table with her on Saturday afternoon.

We were able to get everyone into bed at a reasonable time on Saturday night and I arranged a ride to church for #1 and #2, since Handyman got a last-minute gig for Sunday. I managed to put together a decent lunch for everyone after church (fuss-free ravioli and cheese bake) and we even had enough bread to make garlic bread. But after lunch, the mighty Quinn came tumblin' down.

I got back into bed to watch the Colts game and made it to just before half-time with only a little slobber on my chest. I collapsed before the half-time show and woke up to 11 minutes left in the fourth quarter. It wasn't an amazing nap in length, but amazing in that no one even touched the piano or called my name for that entire time. That is truly Holy Spirit-provoked in this house.

When I did wake up enough to sit up, I didn't feel like eating anything but managed to get some almonds and water while I waited for Handyman to get home. I didn't leave the bedroom for any meal or to put anyone to sleep or do animal chores. They did it all and I didn't even see the kick-off to the Cowboys/Giants game, which I had wanted to watch. Didn't know who won until this morning, after 8 am.

I feel much better, just tired now. My taste is really ruined for the moment. Nothing tastes strong at all...not just salty or sour, just no taste. Everything tastes warm and bland and I'm afraid to salt it to the point of liking it, because it seems like my arteries will harden immediately at that salinity concentration. Either that or I'll shrivel up.

There is still hair left. KS dropped off some yummy (so I'm told) beef stew tonight and she was surprised at how much hair is still hanging on. But it comes off in loads when I change clothes, which is pretty irritating. #2 expressed again how she is dreading me losing all my hair,so I am glad I got the wig. #1 has been fascinated with hair loss to the point that I just had to tell her I didn't want to talk about it anymore. It's tougher mentally than surgery, for me. Then I feel shallow for being so "attached" to my hair.

I am just finishing up Hinds' Feet on High Places, which has been very helpful and inspiring. It is a book I have desired to read for many years, actually and just picked up at a little sale at homeschool co-op a couple of months ago. I recognized myself at Chapter 6 "Detour through the Desert":

"Then one day the path turned a corner, and to her consternation and amazement she saw a great plain spread out beneath them. As far as the eye could see there seemed to be nothing but desert, and endless expanse of sand dunes, with not a tree in sight. The only objects breaking the monotony of the desert were strange, towering pyramids, rising above the sand dunes, hoary with age and grimly desolate. To the horror of "Much-Afraid(Netherfieldmom)", her two guides (Sorrow and Suffering) prepared to take the steep path downward.

She stopped dead and said the them, 'We mustn't go down there. The Shepherd had called me to the High Places. We must find some path which goes up, but certainly not down there.' But they made signs to her that she was to follow them down the steep pathway to the desert below.

Much-Afraid/Netherfieldmom looked to left and right, but though it seemed incredible, there was no way possible by which they could continue to climb upward. The hill they were on ended abruptly at this precipice, and the rocky cliffs towered above them in every direction straight as walls with no possible foothold.

'I can't go down there,' panted Much-Afraid (Netherfieldmom), sick with shock and fear. 'He can never mean that--never! He called me up to the High Places, and this is an absolute contradiction of all that He promised.' She then lifted up her voice and called desperately, 'Shepherd, come to me. Oh, I need you. Come and help me.'

In a moment, He was there, standing beside her. 'Shepherd,' she said despairingly. 'I can't understand this. The guides you gave me say that we must go down there into that desert, turning right away from the High Places altogether. You don't mean that, do you? You can't contradict yourself. Tell them we are not to go there, and show us another way. Make a way for us, Shepherd, as you promised.'

He looked at her and answered very gently, 'That is the path, Netherfieldmom, and you are to go down there.'

'Oh, no,' she cried. 'You can't mean it. You said if I would trust you, you would bring me to the High Places, and that path leads right away from them. It contradicts all that you promised.'

'No,' said the Shepherd. 'it is not contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible.'

Netherfieldmom/Much-Afraid felt as though he had stabbed her to the heart. 'You mean,' she said incredulously, 'you really mean that I am to follow that path down and down into that wilderness and then over that desert away from the mountains indefinitely/ Why?(and there was a sob of anguish in her voice) It may be months, even years, before that path leads back to the mountains again. O Shepherd, do you mean it is indefinite postponement?'

He bowed his head silently, and Much-Afraid/NM sand on her knees at his feet, almost overwhelmed. He was leading her away from her heart's desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when He would bring her back....

(and later in the chapter) 'Much-Afraid/NM,' He said, 'all of my servants on their way to the High Places have had to make this detour through the desert. It is called The Furnace of Egypt, and an horror of great darkness. Here they have learned many things which otherwise they would have known nothing about.' (like maybe humility and weakness)

(and later...)She said to herself, 'He has brought me here when I did not want to come for His own purpose. I, too, will look up into His face and say, "Behold me! I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance-with-Joy."

Yesterday, I was dragging enough emotionally to really hate the idea of going through this 2 more times. That seemed monumental even though my struggles have been very minimal. I can see over the edge of the hole today, I guess. I should feel pretty good by Christmas and New Year's and have cute hair too. Then back to the mines for this canary--ha!

Perfect description

I did take shower today but didn't shampoo my hairs. I dampened them a little and watched a lot of them flow down the drain, but I couldn't take the big plunge before the slumber party tonight.

As I was delivering #3 to a playdate, in my black hat the mom just knitted for me, I recognized myself in the rearview mirror...I have become------ Mr. Collins!!



I couldn't find any pictures with the greasy bangs plastered to his forehead, but that would be exactly me...

Chemo went well...

Hey all--thanks for all your thoughts and prayers--Chemo #2 went smoothly. Needa brought me my favorite lunch (Qdoba), since Handyman was off-site. Kids all went with Mimi and Papa to the Children's Museum and a good time was had by all.

My onco-type test came back with a predicted recurrence rate of 12%. That is on the low end of the medium rate. My chemo will reduce that amount by 40%, so it would be about 8%. Then taking Tamoxifen after chemo will reduce that remaining rate by about 18%, which would take me to about 6.6ish%. That would seem to be about as good a rate as anybody walking down the street, or maybe less. I was glad to hear it and am thankful for how far chemo has come in the last decade.

I left chemo, came home, turned out horses, let out dogs, back in car to the bank, post office, grocery and feed store. So much for taking it easy. Then Mimi and Papa and kids rolled back in for #2's first birthday dinner. I had forgotten to mash potatoes (thank God for pressure cooker), or bake the cake! So #2 baked her own cake and we had a nice dinner.

Mom had to help clean up the kitchen from Hades, again. But we got to do it together and catch upon extended family information.

Stream-of-conciousness conversation at our dinner table: Spiderwoman is NOT related to Spiderman in any way, and wears VERY tight garments; SpiderGIRL is the offspring of Spiderman and Mary Jane; #1 did Mendel's genetic trait grid plotting in biology; Henry VIII beheaded his wives for failing to produce a male heir, but it is the male parent who determines the sex of the child; My cousin met a new significant other on the internet who is a successful published author; Julianne Hough has 9 siblings, they're called the "Blosmonds" (blonde/Osmond) because of their Mormon faith and large family; Somebody tooted in the car on the way to Children's Museum and we had to put all the windows down;

Your basic day at Netherfield--glad I am here for it.

Hair watch: If I showered, it would be gone. But I don't want to bare it all for the slumber party--icky hair--thank goodness for my hat stash.

It was so fun!

TO and SP went out to eat with me on Monday night and I stuffed myself. We had a great time and laughed, really loud, on the way out as we discussed hair falling out and husbands! Very, very fun and worthwhile. Probably killed off dozens of cancer cells just laughing that hard--not that I have any left...

I had a dream last night that my hair came off in a big handful from the back of my head and I started crying, a lot. I was surprised that I was crying, because we have been preparing ourselves for this. Talking about it; laughing about it; counting down the days, etc. So I was surprised that I was crying.

Then I woke up. Then I drove the 4 million miles to this wig store that is supposed to have great customer service and be so wonderful. Lucky (not really luck--PTL) for me, it is right by DF's house and I don't ever get to see her enough, so I could combine the two. I left the piano tuner with Handyman and the chilluns and headed out for the trek.

The wig place was in this little house down south and it was sooooooooo nice! I can't even tell you. Both ladies were absolutely terrific and sweet and friendly and kind--like aunts that you'd want to visit, often. The place was cute and clean and wonderfully cozy.

Patty, the nice lady that helped me, said she thought I should try a little Katie Holmes cut, which was hysterical (God, again) because that is just what I had been thinking I wanted! How funny is that?? We tried on a couple, with a little cap, since the hair is just hanging on by its most miniscule grip. (It looks icky, greasy and flat, but I didn't want to wash it all out before the ladies could see what color it is/was.) The style I liked, they did not have in the color we decided would be best. It will be very close to the color I have naturally now (which I think is too dark), but it has some highlights on top to warm it up. I didn't want to pick a radically different color, because that would be sure to draw comments and rubber-necking (because I'm so darn attractive!).

Those ladies were awesome! I'll post the pics later. It'll arrive to them next Wednesday and we need to trim the bangs on it a little, so I'll probably go down there on Thursday to get it. It was so cute, I'm actually considering buying the lighter shade of the same hair for later in the spring, so I don't look like a cancer victim at Easter!

Let me know what you think--Remember, mine will be darker with subtle highlights on top. #1 thinks I look like TO, she loved it! The back is very cute and the sides can be tucked behind my ear, or swing forward a little on my cheeks. This picture looks a little more boring than I thought it looked in real life...we'll see next week!


How about all those cuties behind me?? (Just like God to make me look better during chemo than I did before!)

Gotta feed horses and then head off for Awana. Chemo in the a.m., then birthday slumber party on Friday night. Then Handyman and I are going to try to go see Quantum of Solace on Saturday! Thanks for all the positive vibes and mostly, your prayers, which have availed much.

Hittin' the wig merchant tomorrow

Okay, I have barely combed my hair since Saturday night, and it shows. Every morning when I wake up, it is standing up straight on top. I gently press it down toward my head, pull my bangs over my forehead and go with it. Now it's greasy and today I didn't let it get under the warm water of the shower. I figured it would be gone in a jiffy and I wanted to retain some until I can get to the wig lady.

Walking through the StuffMart parking lot, we were joking that there was a brown trail flying out behind my head, but I think I didn't lose too much. By the afternoon I reverted to a baseball hat just to avoid seeing the greaz.

BTW, my dad has shaved his head. What a guy! Hopefully by tomorrow night, I'll have a new look, or at least something to ward off wind chill. Gotta hit the hay.

Going, going...

Here are some new pictures of the latest doo. AC is a terrific hairdresser. #3 took these pictures a couple of nights ago. I think they are the first pictures she's ever taken! She did pretty well.

The day after the painful hair day, I took a shower and the warm water felt good on my head and the hair didn't seem to hurt at all the rest of the day. Today I woke up with a sore spot on the upper back of my head, so I just left it alone all day.

Handyman and I were going to a Christmas party this evening so I stuck my head under the faucet to freshen up the doo after wearing winter hats for chores all day. When I pulled my hands away from my head they were covered with hair. I freaked a little and stopped messing with it immediately. I blowed it dry on low and barely touched it.

Here's a picture of us before we left for the party.


I imagine it'll be falling out in droves tomorrow and the next day. I'm going to try to get to the wig store Monday afternoon. I know #2 is worried that I'll freak out all of her friends for her birthday party on Friday night. Hopefully wigs come in cash-and-carry. I see myself in something like Julia Roberts wore at the beginning of Pretty Woman...

Then again, if I can come out looking anything like Julia in any of her movies, I'll be doing well I think. What I'm really looking for are some coneheads for Handyman and me to wear for a Christmas picture. If you know of any, send them ASAP.

Here are some more pictures of the "tribble" hat--popular with everyone. You can't wear it without smiling!



Your friend,


Beldar (yeah, that's the guy--but I can't pronounce the mom's name)

My hair hurts

Another lovely hat came in from TX yesterday. At this rate, I'll have one for each day I'm hairless!! Also, one of my table leaders from Awana (I'm the Kindergarten room leader), sent me a frozen casserole for dinner! And she's the one I just met a few weeks ago. Very, very thoughtful.

My new hat is a variegated green, to match my Patagucci green fleece jacket. It is made from baby alpaca wool and is very, very soft. LD told me her cat would not leave this yarn alone while she was knitting. It fits perfectly, again. I'll try to get a picture up of it soon. Handyman wanted to know how many baby alpacas had to give their lives for me to have that hat?!?

I should have taken a picture of myself last night. AC, my hairdresser for life, did a terrific job whacking my hair down to boy-length. It actually looked terrific, although it is #1's worst nightmare--she says it is exactly like her biology teacher's hair. So now, she can't escape any thought of biology! (Although she really does like the teacher.)

Anyway, the haircut is terrific, although it is very short, especially in back. When I woke up this morning, it was all standing straight up on the top of my head. I am not kidding. I looked like that red-haired circus guy from Barnum & Bailey. It was amazing. When I got back into bed after doing all the morning animal chores, it hurt to lay my head on the pillow. I actually said, "ow" out loud. If I scooted on the pillow it hurt.

For those of you who have never had a pony tail, you probably can't relate. It's the "hair hurt" you get after having your hair pulled tightly into a style for a long while and then you un-do it. Only this doesn't stop hurting. It hurt to brush it down into place. Then I put a baseball hat on, to get everyone used to seeing me in one and it hurts, a lot, to shift the hat on my head. It hurts for about 10 minutes after I move the hat, at all.

Very weird. I guess the little hairs are just hanging on by their itty bitty roots and don't like to be messed with. Oh, well. It'll be gone soon. And AC tells me I'll have lots of different hair do's to come as it grows back in next spring.

Let's just hope it comes back in a familiar color....

Hats and hair

This is my first red hat, the my mom bought me several Christmas's ago. I stole the candy cane scarf from #2 last year. It has brass bells on the end. Way Christmas-y. Note the hair...



Then Handyman bought me this red hat last Christmas and yes, this is a self portrait and I don't do fake smiles.. I love the hat. Doesn't make any difference how much hair you have with this thing.



This is my first hat from LD in TX. It's a beaut and fits great. I think it'll be better without hair. She said there is silk in the yarn, so it should be warm. The picture doesn't show the pretty lace detail around the edge. This yarn was hand-dyed and she got it in Montanta--one of my favorite places.



This is what came in the mailbox today--I LOVE the yarn, but alas, it is a mite too small. Handyman called it a "tribble" when I took it out of the package! The picture doesn't do the color justice. It is a vibrant red-winey purple. I think #3 will steal it from me, although LD says she can make it bigger when she comes at Christmas. This pattern on the internet was called "No-Hair Day hat". Purty funny. I think maybe some beaded fringe around it will anchor it down and extend the length. I still love it, LD.