The Year of A Thousand 'Do's

Just passed my 18th anniversary with the Handyman. That means in two weeks it will be the 20th anniversary of our first date...it was the Monday before Thanksgiving. He wouldn't even spring for dinner...just "a drink". Jiminy Crickets! But, I wore him down. We can spend three figures on a dinner for two nowadays--no problem. We love to eat.

But I digress...I was going to say that I actually liked my hair when we went out for our anniversary. It was pretty cute, and so completely easy. I'm pretty much in love with the easy part, if I can just avoid looking into a mirror as I go out the door.

Of course I was also wearing my all-time favorite, most flattering sweater--that is starting to wear out!!! It is a black mock-neck, 3/4 sleeves with varying width knit ribbing, wider across the chest, and narrower around the waist, so it makes you look tantalizingly trim, even if you ain't! It's some simply polyester thang that was given to me as a hand-me-down eons ago by my long-lost friend Leslie, from her sister. Don't you love those?? Won't be finding a replica of this one anytime soon. Man. (Same thing's happening to my favorite jeans. These wide leg, lightweight denim from Old Navy that I bought for $1 from my mom's next door neighbor's garage sale. Yikes. The consequences of bargain barrel shopping.)

So maybe it wasn't that I liked my hair so much as that I love my sweater and it camouflages a multitude of missing locks.

I did get a new camera for my birthday last month...just in time to take the kids to see King Tut, where NO PHOTOGRAPHY IS ALLOWED. Perfect.

I was at my friend the hairdresser's place the other day and she said I was going to need it shaped up pretty soon. But I just can't see myself letting scissors get anywhere near it, yet. It still needs to blow around a little more.

My hair

Can I say right up front, that having hair is G-R-E-A-T. I am soooooooooo thankful to have hair, to have eyebrows and, well, hair. It's also a great source of entertainment, humor and annoyance. And I hate that I'm annoyed with the gift that I longed for...and I hate that I am in any way less than ecstatic that I have it. Does this make any sense at all??

My hair is now just a little past the "cute" stage. It has slipped easily into the pixie Peter Pan stage, with a hint of curl and bangs, if you can call them that, that remind a certain generation of Mamie Eisenhower. (Never seen her.)

Because there is about a foot-and-a-half of hair missing from the back of my head, there is plenty of waggle in the little sprouts. It's cute and, truthfully, it's REALLY, REALLY easy to deal with.


But, and it's a big BUT for me, it's boyish. And here's where I continue to remind myself that way too much of my vanity is/was wrapped up in my hair. I'm reminded of that episode of Designing Women where Annie Potts gets some falsies to try out, before she commits to an augmentation. And she gets intoxicated with the power she feels from being well-endowed. And she gets assertive and aggressive and she likes it.


I can feel a little of that, with long hair. Even if it isn't blonde.

Good, bad or indifferent, I liked it.

My hair is a little overripe on the pixie cut now and is having a hint of the overgrown shrubbery look on the top. And that little bit of wave is making it a lot of unruly, so most days I am found with a ballcap on. Thank heavens Handyman has a LOT of cool ballcaps, and I was already a ballcap wearer, albeit with a big honkin' ponytail hanging out the back.


Am I glad to have hair, any hair? Absolutely. But to me, it almost doesn't qualify if you can't put a rubber band around it!

One Year

I haven't missed the fact that it has been a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. No matter how much I wish to forget it or even enjoy a fictional idea that it didn't really happen to me--it did, and it's been a whole year.

Honestly, I have grown so much in that year. It's all growth I am glad to have. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but every day I think thoughts and do things a little differently. And thanks to an awesome plastic surgeon, I actually look better than I did! Ha! What a bonus!

I look at my family differently. I look at my day differently. I use my time differently. I am more merciful. I see little things as more impactful, more worthwhile. I enjoy free time more freely. I am more thankful for incidentals. Or should I say, incidentals are less incidental to me.

In a way, I am more selfish--in that I choose to place my family first, worrying less about making others happy. (Not that I make lots of people happy here--what with the whole "clean your room or the chicken house; your choice" thing! ;)

I hope to never visit breast cancer again. I want to be an old, old Christian lady, setting a good example of being gracious and faithful and not crabby! But until I get there, I want to be a good example of a faithful woman, who was thankful and vibrant and kind, and funny. And a great wife, a good mother, a kind friend and a faithful follower of Christ.

I am thankful to have been given another year to work on those goals.

It's summer and the living is easy...

Just a note to say that life is good at Netherfield. In the past month, I have had my exchange surgery, a new dog, two children in two different plays, closing ceremonies for Awana (twice), 4H dog program start-up, a truckload of daylilies to plant (seriously), a dryer full of red bubblegum, dance lessons, a weekend scrapbook project for 8th grade language arts, and a whole lot of driving!

It is hectic and normal. And who couldn't ask for more normalcy? On the "front" front--my exchange surgery came quickly as I was on the "bump up" list. So they called whenever there was a surgery cancellation, which worked well for me. I love my new look. I was a little disheartened by my tissue expanders. They didn't seem symetrical and they were blocky and hard.

She asked me pre-op if I was happy with the size and I told her no, to err on the side of smaller. I decided bigger wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and I was thankful to have lived with them for a few months before I had to make the choice. She said, no problem, they had "racks" of them back there in the OR. So I opted for smaller and I am very pleased.

I'm going to wrap up this blog and move back to Netherfield--where the fodder is more interesting! I am so thankful to all of you who have had a hand, or a dish, in my recovery. I am a better person for it and I hope you will all know how much your care and love has meant to me.

From Streams in the Desert

Streams in the Desert
April 9

Everything is against me! (Gen. 42:36)
All things God works for the good of those who love Him. (Rom 8:28)

Many people are lacking when it comes to power. But how is power produced?

The other day, my friend and I were passing by the power plant that produces electricity for the streetcars. We heard the hum and roar of the countless wheels of the turbines, and I asked my friend, "How is the power produced?" He replied, "It simply is generated by the turning of those wheels and the friction they create. The rubbing produces the electric current."

In a similar way, when God desires to create more power in your life, He creates more friction. He uses this pressure to generate spiritual power. Some people cannot handle it, and run from the pressure instead of receiving the power and using it to rise above the painful experience that produced it.

Opposition is essential to maintaining true balance between forces. It is the centripedal and centrifugal forces acting in opposition to each other that keep our planet in the proper orbit. The propelling action coupled with the repelling counteraction keep the earth in orbit around the sun instead of flinging it into space and a path of certain destruction.

God guides our lives in the same way. It is not enough to have only a propelling force. We need an equal repelling force, so He holds us back through the testing ordeals of life. The pressures of temptations and trials and all the things that seem to be against us further our progress and strengthen our foundation.

Let us thank Him for both the weights and the wings He produces. And realizing we are divinely propelled, let us press on with faith and patience in our high and heavenly calling.

A. B. Simpson

Five O'Clock Shadow

Well, the Star Trek commands have done their job! My hair has "engaged". You can tell from across the room, that the top of my head is a different, darker color than my face--yippee! In fact, on one side, the hair is actually lying down! It is thin, but it roars, to me anyway.

I still pick up hair rubber bands and put them in my pants pocket, thinking I'll need them later. And you know what? I will.

Just wondering how long until I'll ditch my snug little wiggie for good...

I hope everyone is on schedule for your mammogram. I hope you are making dietary and exercise changes in your daily life, including meditation time. I'm looking into a Christian rosary-type meditation. The book I recently recommended Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life, spoke of some remarkable advantages of meditation, specifically studied in people who used the Latin Rosary. The memorized prayer, its timing and the serenity brought on by the routine recitation brought opportunities for the body to settle and align itself in a completely unique way. (Of course this makes sense to people of faith...)

Anyway, take this first-of-the-month opportunity to stretch in ways and try new things to put yourself on more solid footing in caring for yourself. Often, we moms put others first SO often, that we suffer. And as the old story goes, starving people must feed themselves first, for if they are lost, their children most certainly will be lost as well.

Take care of yourself, today. No one else is going to do it for you!

Here's to a hairy spring! ;)

Wilkommen and sayonara

Lots going on around here--let me just say that when I have been whining and wishing for hair, I did not intend for hair to return to MY UPPER LIP! I think you should get to avoid that forever once you have had parts of your body removed/replaced. There is hair on my head. Each of my children have commented on it separately. It mostly looks colorless, although that cannot be the complete truth, since I notice a "five o'clock shadow"ishness to the top of my head. And today, before church, I swear it looked a little "spotty" for lack of a better term. I've been afraid to look since then.

And there is hair on my legs and I still have a numb armpit, which makes shaving a daredevil activity!

My fingernails, on the other hand, seem to be going the way of the dodo. More and more of them are "letting go" as it were. Lifting themselves off and taking on a yellowish hue. Ick. I suppose it didn't help that I washed the pony's tail yesterday with no gloves on. Equine hygiene is high on my list, here.

I have got to get walking now, as exercise was very high on the list of Ways to Avoid Recurrence, in the book I just finished, Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life. Cutting back on sugar is also big and I will be wrestling with that.

I am so thankful to be mucking my own stalls. I know that's an odd thought, but I think it everyday. I remember asking my surgeon how soon I would be back to my old habits and he promised by the holidays (past). And thankfully, he was right. I can lift and carry and work just like always--WHAT A BLESSING! I know breast surgery has changed so dramatically within my adult lifetime. I'm so glad I got to come in at the better end of that arc.

I will be having my exchange surgery sometime in the next month, I think. Where they replace the soft tissue expanders (that were inserted in my original surgery), with saline or silicone implants. I can't really call them permanent implants, because no implant lasts forever. I hate the thought of having surgery again, but it will be nice to get one more thing out of the way. This is outpatient.

The saline/silicone decision is a big one and I can't seem to find a definitive answer to satisfy me. I'll probably go with saline, although what I've seen makes me nervous, about them being water bags and also "hard". All the implants have silicone outer shells, so no matter what, you are putting silicone inside you. That doesn't worry me too much.

With the silicone implant, a rupture is difficult to determine. Sometimes you have to have an MRI to confirm it. With saline, a rupture is immediately noticeable--a lot like a flat tire on a bike--get the picture. At the surgeon's office they call it a "social emergency". Great.

No matter what, they'll never be as good as nature. And you know what, I miss the old ones. They weren't perfect, that's for sure, but they had some "life" to them. They squished and were comfortable. I've even had to learn to sleep differently, because these babies don't move, even a little. The good part is that stairs and running are no problem.

Being the bionic woman has its trade-offs, just like anything else.

MUST READ--do not pass go--Head straight to the library

My precious Aunt Paula, who came to cook and clean and love my children while I had surgery last October, sent me a copy of a newspaper article from her town paper. It was an interview with Dr. David Servan-Schrieber, a clinical professor of psychology, who found his own brain tumor 17 years ago. It was cancerous.

The interview was headlined, "Can you really prevent cancer?" which is a bit of an overstatement, but attention-grabbing nonetheless. The interview was interesting enough that I requested my library purchase Dr. Servan-Schrieber's book, Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life. They did and I have just finished it.

Everyone needs to read this book. Everyone. It's not a hocus-pocus--you-can-prevent-cancer book. It's an interesting story about taking control of what you can control and the power of the human body. How our modern lifestyles have aided us in supressing our bodies' abilities to defend themselves and how we can alter our "terrain" in our favor.

I could go on and on, but I'd rather you take the time to find the book and read it firsthand. Anti Cancer, A New Way of Life

Cancer patients and survivors--especially breast cancer, prostate cancer, colon cancer, throat cancer and ovarian cancer are especially mentioned. I would like to buy a copy to give my oncologist at my next visit. Dr. Servan-Schrieber mentioned several times about his own oncologists never mentioning diet or exercise, although there are studies that demonstrate absolute results from both...

There are lists of good foods, exercise info regarding yoga and karate, and meditation and stress management.

I will tip you off that the "big three" foods that make a difference are: broccoli, green tea and the spice turmeric (which must be mixed with black pepper to be absorbed.)

One of my favorite baldies...

I've gotten over the anger of being bald. I've gotten over the whole idea of being bald. I can feel the wind blow through my less-than-full peach fuzz (which isn't peach). While an enjoyable sensation, it still brings a little mourning with it.

I don't remember not to scratch my head vigorously until it's too late. I don't remember not to wring out my pony tail in the shower, even after all this time. And I anxiously await my new growth. The bank teller taking my house payment yesterday had beautiful gray hair. While I'm sure it would be a big adjustment to see myself with a full head of gray hair, I'll just be glad to see myself with a full head of hair, period.

I went outdoors yesterday without wig or hat. Just sunglasses. Handyman was taken aback for a moment. We realized it was a "first". First bald day of the season. I glanced at myself in the window of the car.

Since #1 has had strep throat all weekend, we have watched 963 episodes of Star Trek:Next Generation. (Thankfully, season three.) I remembered that there are bald people I really enjoy seeing.



I told the girls about how when I first saw Jean-Luc Picard, I was appalled that they would cast a bald man as captain of the Enterprise. I was disappointed! How could a bald man be masculine enough to carry off such a role? But I was interested in the series enough to stick with it, even so.

And what did I learn? How lacking in taste I could be. Bald is beautiful, Baby!

My command for my hair? "Engage!"

glacial change

That title does not mean that I do not appreciate my situation. I feel great, absolutely 100% me--which means tired. My hair is truly growing. But it will be a long time until anyone can appreciate it besides me.

My fingernails continue to entertain and embarrass me. The original "smashed" marks on four of them are growing out ever so slowly. And now you can see they all look yellowed and ridge-y. The index fingernail on my left hand is detached to about halfway down. And now there is dirt under the nail, halfway down, where even dental floss can't reach it. Yuck. It's sort of a silt line. Very appetizing at dinner or when meeting new people.

Today I notice that the thumbnail on that hand also has what looks like a little air bubble underneath it. That is how the index fingernail situation started out. I'm wondering if it too is going to give up the ghost. Frankly, I'm okay with that. It is a continuous reminder that the meds did their job and now they are done. As these nails grow out and get trimmed away, I will be emerging from my old shell too.

Hopefully with hair!

Spring's a-coming!

And with it, so is my hair. My fingernails are growing again. The dark spots are moving up already. They don't hurt anymore. And, I can see little stubblies on my head where there weren't any before. Not even enough to fill in, but it's definitely sprouting.

I saw the plastic surgeon on Tuesday and got a little "boost". She said the exchange surgery where she swaps out the expanders for the implants is very quick and I would not be restricted from riding horses for more than two weeks. And that, only if I was not using a mounting block to get on. She said she is more worried about pulling myself up onto the horse. So with that being settled, I might have the exchange surgery as early as the end of March, rather than waiting until late fall. (Which is what I was planning if I was going to be kept off horses for six weeks, like I thought.)

I saw my ob/gyn for the annual visit on Wednesday and she told me the plastic surgeon did a nice job. I can't imagine that she would say anything other than that, really. But it was nice to hear, nonetheless. I told her to tell her staff that their protocol of having me come back for a six-month follow-up had perhaps saved my life. She also thought my whole story was pretty amazing.


Here's a blast from the past picture. This was taken four days after surgery, in October. It was my birthday. And that was my hair.

I will be starting Tamoxifen this week--yeeha!

Are you on schedule?

Sooooooo, is your mammogram scheduled? Are you on schedule? Are you taking an active stance in your healthcare?? These are important questions! I want to remind everyone, my cancer was "found" because I had missed several years (!) of mammograms for various reasons. I had gone in March 08 to get back on schedule. I had a physical exam by my ob/gyn at that time and was given no cause for concern. BECAUSE I had been off for several years, they asked me to come back for a six-month follow-up, in September. PTL! Had they not asked for that, I would just be getting ready to go for my annual mammo in March. Next month.

In addition, keep in mind that I had a physical breast exam by my ob/gyn and a mammogram. Both normal. In September, I had a mammogram and an ultrasound. Then a biopsy. No one could "feel" anything. They requested I have a biopsy on a suspicious site. That biopsy turned up positive for lobular cancer, which does not form "tumors" or lumps. It is more of a thickening of tissue.

I then saw a breast surgeon, who also did a physical exam--didn't feel anything unusual. He showed me my mammogram pictures and said other than the biopsy site, he didn't see anything that concerned him. He also sent me for an MRI.

The MRI showed another suspicious spot, right next to the biopsy site. This apparently didn't look suspicious on mammogram or ultrasound, since no one else mentioned it. Since I had already decided for a double mastectomy, we didn't feel it was necessary to wait longer and do another biopsy on that site. It was all coming out anyway, was my/our thoughts. (I decided to do the double after I asked him what he would tell his wife to do--and he said take it all off and be done with it.)

THEN--after surgery, the tissue studies found cellular incidence of cancer in MY OTHER BREAST! The one that showed NOTHING in mammogram, ultrasound, physical exams and MRI's! NOTHING. But cancer was there.

PLEASE stay on top of your own health. I know the Lord orchestrated my whole story because it's an amazing story with more twists and turns than I have shared here. Please know your family history and pay attention to any gut feelings. Do those goofy self-exams. Stay on schedule with doctor appointments and don't short yourself because it's expensive, etc. (The bill for my last chemo just came--$13000! That's just one treatment.)

Take care of yourself--for my sake! :)

Last symptom

Here's hoping it's the last one...

my poor, sore finger tips are now showing evidence of some kind of damage. Two weeks ago, I slammed my left hand fingers in the front door, as I was racing in to get something. I took a big ole' chunk out of the side of my index finger and busted the trim on the door jamb doing it. Fortunately I had one of those leftover hospital ice packs. With daily doses of Corona (not the beer), it healed pretty nicely but the finger tip seemed pretty painful, which I assumed was from slamming it in the door.

The big notch out of my finger is now healed but all of the sudden the pinky and ring finger on that hand have blood under the nails, as if they too were slammed. I told Handyman that it was pretty amazing that I could slam three fingers in the door at once. Kinda odd.

That was until the pinky and ring fingers on my right hand also have blood under the nails. Weird. I KNOW I didn't slam my right hand in the door that day. It still hurts to drum my fingers on a table and even a little to type. I read that some people lose their nails during chemo; but I think it's really strange that this wouldn't happen to me until two and a half weeks after my last chemo. I guess it's just a cumulative effect thing.

Please pray for Angela--a young mother of three (I think) in my church who is pregnant and has been diagnosed with invasive ductile breast cancer. Her baby is due in about eight weeks and she is undergoing chemo now.

Also, regarding the little boy hit by the schoolbus and killed last week. Our children's pastor's wife is a teacher at that school. And she is my daughter's Awana table leader. She told the girls tonight that that little boy was being raised by his grandmother, who is a Christian and the little boy was also a Christian. So we can know that he is with the Lord now. :*)

Taking inventory

I am late in posting this picture from Christmas week. From the left, there's me with my "hair", then Needa who lunched with me at chemo (and makes the best chicken pot pie), then LD, who knitted umpteen awesome hats for me way down in TX, and KS, who coordinated all the meals you brought us and she drove me to the hospital to have #3 (oh and helped Needa and my other buds paint my kitchen the same day.) Merry Christmas!

Today is the day after Day 14--the official day when my white-cell blood count should start heading back to normal. Of course, #3 played with a "coughing girl" at Awana, it was reported to me. And of course, #3 now has a runny/stuffy nose...so we'll see. But even if, I think we'll conquer it.

That being said, here's the current situation: No hair, but lots of little pricklies--that don't hurt anymore. They're not new. They're what refused to go! Here's to the tough hair that hung in there, no matter what! Yea tough hair!

My fingertips are all touchy. Like each one has been tapped well with a hammer. I'll be glad for this one to go. Fingernails are tough and cracky.

Tongue seems to be on the mend. I gorged myself at my mother's last night on lasagna and garlic bread and halibut dip and cocktail weenies and a great salad brought by Aibrean with goat cheese and cashews and craisins and sliced pear--good heavens--I'll have to post that recipe. Also, salsa tasted tomato-y to me yesterday at lunchtime. That was a shocker. Maybe I won't have to keep drinking limeade.

My right eye twitches all the time--how that is related to chemo, I don't know but it never did it before and has done it consistently throughout.

My GI system is not totally itself yet either, but definitely tolerable.

So far everyone, to a person, loves my "hair". Everyone says I look way younger. Okay, so I looked haggard and aged before. And I always thought a pony tail took off ten years--might have to rethink this.

So today's poll is...what color do you think my hair will be when it comes back??

Bouncin' back, albeit slower

Well--chemo went off without a hitch last Friday. Needa came and brought mexican food to eat lunch with me. My counts were on the low side, borderline anemic, but nothing to require any prescriptions or delay. I sat next to a little older lady who is battling late-stage colon cancer...ugh, poor thing.

At the end, I got to "ring the bell" since it was my last treatment. I even bolted out without picking up a reminder card for my three-month follow-up. I am supposed to start taking Tamoxifen in about three weeks and that will be for about 5 YEARS! So, menopause, here I come!

When I left chemo, I began a giant commute to pick up kids and drop off kids. When I finally ended up back at my house, after dark, I came into a freshly-cleaned house! It was all cleaned up, including the Christmas tree--taken down and put away! My friend SP, who had my girls all day, had brought her four and my three back to the house after lunch, and those kids spent all afternoon cleaning up. They even finished off with a pot of tulips (my fave) on the kitchen island. She said it was their service project for the week! What a GIANT blessing! I couldn't get over it. They even got me on video tape, shrieking about what a blessing I can never repay!

Then we turned right back around and drove #2 and her friends to a guest party at the Arthur Murray Studio where she is taking ballroom dance lessons. They had a great time and I won a $20 Panera gift card!

The weekend was mostly a blur, as Handyman got home Friday evening, but worked from dawn to midnight on Saturday and left again on Sunday morning! But he's back now, in time for the biggest snowfall in our tenure here. I'm really not even sure that we can bust out of our driveway today, but we'll see.

I'm really tired. Don't know if it's the weather (yeah), the cold (yeah), the mid-winter slo-work panic (yeah)or just borderline anemia. But, I'm taking my vitamins and sleeping in when I can. And counting down the days until my hair starts coming back!!

LAST CHEMO TOMORROW!

Yippee! I saw the nurse at the plastic surgeon today...she removed the steri strips from the little surgery on New Year's Eve. No more blue blob!

Got several compliments on my "hair" from people who don't know. So hilarious! I want to say, "you can buy one too!"

Needa is having lunch with me at chemo tomorrow--I don't think they'll let us bring sparklers or anything, though. I had brunch here this morning with SP and TO. TO brought me a big meal of enchiladas for tomorrow night or Saturday, to feed poor Handyman. SP is keeping all the womenfolk while I go tomorrow.

My parental units have fed me several times this week, just out of charity. I'm feeling great. #1 is going off to middle school on Monday, so I have to get up to drive her to that. Life is changin' all over the place...

Benefits of having no hair

1. mustache has fallen out as well
2. of course, no shaving of legs or armpits!
3. getting ready takes NO time
4. shower is really fast
5. only one towel necessary for shower
6. "Hair" looks pretty good all the time


Disadvantages of having no hair

1. can't wear wig under hats to barn, so "hair" must be removed before going out
2. can't wear wig while doing intensive cooking/baking
3. stubbly head can be uncomfortable on pillow
4. seeing bald head in mirror is very irritating
5. wig feels somewhat hat-like, have to remember not to take it off when arriving somewhere!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack...and balder than ever!

Okay, that's not really me...she has more hair.

I took an extended holiday break and am back in the saddle again. Okay, I wish I was back in a saddle again. I had my third chemo last Friday (1/2), dragged through the weekend, which included the Indianapolis Colts pulling up lame in overtime and limping back to their stable on the west side. Although the Colts are done for the season, I am rebounding much more successfully than they. I feel pretty well back to my old self now, PTL.

That means I have one more treatment and I'm D-O-N-E. Fine with me. I love my wig. It is warm and mostly comfortable. I am OVER being bald. I get irritated when I pass the bathroom mirror in the morning and see that I am, still bald. I continue to be surprised by it, actually. I suppose you don't get quickly over an entire lifetime of viewing yourself WITH hair. I am glad I had it shaved off and I'm a teensy bit proud that there is still hair on most of my head, albeit stubbly, little blackish hair. I am thrilled that all the hair on my legs fell out! LOL!

I have been careful to remember the warnings of the precious wig ladies, "Stay away from hot ovens and steaming pots!" This has made cooking very entertaining for the kids as I dash around the kitchen flinging my wig onto chair posts so I can lean into the oven to check the cake or whatnot! Then there was #1 leaning in the front door and yelling, "Mom! Grandma is here--put on your hair!"

Sleeping on stubble is a little challenging. I have not struggled with being cold at night, but stubble pokes back as it's wiggled around on the pillow...and I'm surprised at how gently you can scratch your scalp and get the job done. I cannot quit trying to wring out my ponytail in the shower. My hands just automatically go there and do that! But getting ready is a complete breeze. #1 even said she wanted to shave her head and wear a wig because "Mom's hair always looks great!" It's great to have some good memories of this time.

The only "down" thing that is going on is that my fingertips are more sensitive. It has to do with my fingernails, I'm sure. They are not growing and feel very thick and odd. They don't look weird, but I can't use them to pry things open, etc. Then I pinched one in the chicken gate this morning and thought I would cry!

My taste continues to be DULL with a capital Duh...which could be bad as I have a desire to keep eating things, thinking it will make them taste better. A friend bought me several boxes of Altoids as a treat, on the tip of a BC survivor who remembered the tasteless days of chemo. The Altoids are a treat for me, although they taste about like Dentyne--but even that is a treat.

Still have never told my FIL about my diagnosis or surgery, at all. Over Christmas we were all gathered at my parents' house and he looked at me and said, "I still can't get used to your hair." I just laughed and said, "Neither can I!"

Thanks everyone again for your prayers and good wishes. I got one of my favorite things on Christmas Eve--a seed catalog! It'll keep me dreaming through these last few weeks of yuck.