I haven't missed the fact that it has been a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. No matter how much I wish to forget it or even enjoy a fictional idea that it didn't really happen to me--it did, and it's been a whole year.
Honestly, I have grown so much in that year. It's all growth I am glad to have. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but every day I think thoughts and do things a little differently. And thanks to an awesome plastic surgeon, I actually look better than I did! Ha! What a bonus!
I look at my family differently. I look at my day differently. I use my time differently. I am more merciful. I see little things as more impactful, more worthwhile. I enjoy free time more freely. I am more thankful for incidentals. Or should I say, incidentals are less incidental to me.
In a way, I am more selfish--in that I choose to place my family first, worrying less about making others happy. (Not that I make lots of people happy here--what with the whole "clean your room or the chicken house; your choice" thing! ;)
I hope to never visit breast cancer again. I want to be an old, old Christian lady, setting a good example of being gracious and faithful and not crabby! But until I get there, I want to be a good example of a faithful woman, who was thankful and vibrant and kind, and funny. And a great wife, a good mother, a kind friend and a faithful follower of Christ.
I am thankful to have been given another year to work on those goals.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
It's summer and the living is easy...
Just a note to say that life is good at Netherfield. In the past month, I have had my exchange surgery, a new dog, two children in two different plays, closing ceremonies for Awana (twice), 4H dog program start-up, a truckload of daylilies to plant (seriously), a dryer full of red bubblegum, dance lessons, a weekend scrapbook project for 8th grade language arts, and a whole lot of driving!
It is hectic and normal. And who couldn't ask for more normalcy? On the "front" front--my exchange surgery came quickly as I was on the "bump up" list. So they called whenever there was a surgery cancellation, which worked well for me. I love my new look. I was a little disheartened by my tissue expanders. They didn't seem symetrical and they were blocky and hard.
She asked me pre-op if I was happy with the size and I told her no, to err on the side of smaller. I decided bigger wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and I was thankful to have lived with them for a few months before I had to make the choice. She said, no problem, they had "racks" of them back there in the OR. So I opted for smaller and I am very pleased.
I'm going to wrap up this blog and move back to Netherfield--where the fodder is more interesting! I am so thankful to all of you who have had a hand, or a dish, in my recovery. I am a better person for it and I hope you will all know how much your care and love has meant to me.
It is hectic and normal. And who couldn't ask for more normalcy? On the "front" front--my exchange surgery came quickly as I was on the "bump up" list. So they called whenever there was a surgery cancellation, which worked well for me. I love my new look. I was a little disheartened by my tissue expanders. They didn't seem symetrical and they were blocky and hard.
She asked me pre-op if I was happy with the size and I told her no, to err on the side of smaller. I decided bigger wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and I was thankful to have lived with them for a few months before I had to make the choice. She said, no problem, they had "racks" of them back there in the OR. So I opted for smaller and I am very pleased.
I'm going to wrap up this blog and move back to Netherfield--where the fodder is more interesting! I am so thankful to all of you who have had a hand, or a dish, in my recovery. I am a better person for it and I hope you will all know how much your care and love has meant to me.
Friday, April 10, 2009
From Streams in the Desert
Streams in the Desert
April 9
Everything is against me! (Gen. 42:36)
All things God works for the good of those who love Him. (Rom 8:28)
Many people are lacking when it comes to power. But how is power produced?
The other day, my friend and I were passing by the power plant that produces electricity for the streetcars. We heard the hum and roar of the countless wheels of the turbines, and I asked my friend, "How is the power produced?" He replied, "It simply is generated by the turning of those wheels and the friction they create. The rubbing produces the electric current."
In a similar way, when God desires to create more power in your life, He creates more friction. He uses this pressure to generate spiritual power. Some people cannot handle it, and run from the pressure instead of receiving the power and using it to rise above the painful experience that produced it.
Opposition is essential to maintaining true balance between forces. It is the centripedal and centrifugal forces acting in opposition to each other that keep our planet in the proper orbit. The propelling action coupled with the repelling counteraction keep the earth in orbit around the sun instead of flinging it into space and a path of certain destruction.
God guides our lives in the same way. It is not enough to have only a propelling force. We need an equal repelling force, so He holds us back through the testing ordeals of life. The pressures of temptations and trials and all the things that seem to be against us further our progress and strengthen our foundation.
Let us thank Him for both the weights and the wings He produces. And realizing we are divinely propelled, let us press on with faith and patience in our high and heavenly calling.
A. B. Simpson
April 9
Everything is against me! (Gen. 42:36)
All things God works for the good of those who love Him. (Rom 8:28)
Many people are lacking when it comes to power. But how is power produced?
The other day, my friend and I were passing by the power plant that produces electricity for the streetcars. We heard the hum and roar of the countless wheels of the turbines, and I asked my friend, "How is the power produced?" He replied, "It simply is generated by the turning of those wheels and the friction they create. The rubbing produces the electric current."
In a similar way, when God desires to create more power in your life, He creates more friction. He uses this pressure to generate spiritual power. Some people cannot handle it, and run from the pressure instead of receiving the power and using it to rise above the painful experience that produced it.
Opposition is essential to maintaining true balance between forces. It is the centripedal and centrifugal forces acting in opposition to each other that keep our planet in the proper orbit. The propelling action coupled with the repelling counteraction keep the earth in orbit around the sun instead of flinging it into space and a path of certain destruction.
God guides our lives in the same way. It is not enough to have only a propelling force. We need an equal repelling force, so He holds us back through the testing ordeals of life. The pressures of temptations and trials and all the things that seem to be against us further our progress and strengthen our foundation.
Let us thank Him for both the weights and the wings He produces. And realizing we are divinely propelled, let us press on with faith and patience in our high and heavenly calling.
A. B. Simpson
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Five O'Clock Shadow
Well, the Star Trek commands have done their job! My hair has "engaged". You can tell from across the room, that the top of my head is a different, darker color than my face--yippee! In fact, on one side, the hair is actually lying down! It is thin, but it roars, to me anyway.
I still pick up hair rubber bands and put them in my pants pocket, thinking I'll need them later. And you know what? I will.
Just wondering how long until I'll ditch my snug little wiggie for good...
I hope everyone is on schedule for your mammogram. I hope you are making dietary and exercise changes in your daily life, including meditation time. I'm looking into a Christian rosary-type meditation. The book I recently recommended Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life, spoke of some remarkable advantages of meditation, specifically studied in people who used the Latin Rosary. The memorized prayer, its timing and the serenity brought on by the routine recitation brought opportunities for the body to settle and align itself in a completely unique way. (Of course this makes sense to people of faith...)
Anyway, take this first-of-the-month opportunity to stretch in ways and try new things to put yourself on more solid footing in caring for yourself. Often, we moms put others first SO often, that we suffer. And as the old story goes, starving people must feed themselves first, for if they are lost, their children most certainly will be lost as well.
Take care of yourself, today. No one else is going to do it for you!
Here's to a hairy spring! ;)
I still pick up hair rubber bands and put them in my pants pocket, thinking I'll need them later. And you know what? I will.
Just wondering how long until I'll ditch my snug little wiggie for good...
I hope everyone is on schedule for your mammogram. I hope you are making dietary and exercise changes in your daily life, including meditation time. I'm looking into a Christian rosary-type meditation. The book I recently recommended Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life, spoke of some remarkable advantages of meditation, specifically studied in people who used the Latin Rosary. The memorized prayer, its timing and the serenity brought on by the routine recitation brought opportunities for the body to settle and align itself in a completely unique way. (Of course this makes sense to people of faith...)
Anyway, take this first-of-the-month opportunity to stretch in ways and try new things to put yourself on more solid footing in caring for yourself. Often, we moms put others first SO often, that we suffer. And as the old story goes, starving people must feed themselves first, for if they are lost, their children most certainly will be lost as well.
Take care of yourself, today. No one else is going to do it for you!
Here's to a hairy spring! ;)
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wilkommen and sayonara
Lots going on around here--let me just say that when I have been whining and wishing for hair, I did not intend for hair to return to MY UPPER LIP! I think you should get to avoid that forever once you have had parts of your body removed/replaced. There is hair on my head. Each of my children have commented on it separately. It mostly looks colorless, although that cannot be the complete truth, since I notice a "five o'clock shadow"ishness to the top of my head. And today, before church, I swear it looked a little "spotty" for lack of a better term. I've been afraid to look since then.
And there is hair on my legs and I still have a numb armpit, which makes shaving a daredevil activity!
My fingernails, on the other hand, seem to be going the way of the dodo. More and more of them are "letting go" as it were. Lifting themselves off and taking on a yellowish hue. Ick. I suppose it didn't help that I washed the pony's tail yesterday with no gloves on. Equine hygiene is high on my list, here.
I have got to get walking now, as exercise was very high on the list of Ways to Avoid Recurrence, in the book I just finished, Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life. Cutting back on sugar is also big and I will be wrestling with that.
I am so thankful to be mucking my own stalls. I know that's an odd thought, but I think it everyday. I remember asking my surgeon how soon I would be back to my old habits and he promised by the holidays (past). And thankfully, he was right. I can lift and carry and work just like always--WHAT A BLESSING! I know breast surgery has changed so dramatically within my adult lifetime. I'm so glad I got to come in at the better end of that arc.
I will be having my exchange surgery sometime in the next month, I think. Where they replace the soft tissue expanders (that were inserted in my original surgery), with saline or silicone implants. I can't really call them permanent implants, because no implant lasts forever. I hate the thought of having surgery again, but it will be nice to get one more thing out of the way. This is outpatient.
The saline/silicone decision is a big one and I can't seem to find a definitive answer to satisfy me. I'll probably go with saline, although what I've seen makes me nervous, about them being water bags and also "hard". All the implants have silicone outer shells, so no matter what, you are putting silicone inside you. That doesn't worry me too much.
With the silicone implant, a rupture is difficult to determine. Sometimes you have to have an MRI to confirm it. With saline, a rupture is immediately noticeable--a lot like a flat tire on a bike--get the picture. At the surgeon's office they call it a "social emergency". Great.
No matter what, they'll never be as good as nature. And you know what, I miss the old ones. They weren't perfect, that's for sure, but they had some "life" to them. They squished and were comfortable. I've even had to learn to sleep differently, because these babies don't move, even a little. The good part is that stairs and running are no problem.
Being the bionic woman has its trade-offs, just like anything else.
And there is hair on my legs and I still have a numb armpit, which makes shaving a daredevil activity!
My fingernails, on the other hand, seem to be going the way of the dodo. More and more of them are "letting go" as it were. Lifting themselves off and taking on a yellowish hue. Ick. I suppose it didn't help that I washed the pony's tail yesterday with no gloves on. Equine hygiene is high on my list, here.
I have got to get walking now, as exercise was very high on the list of Ways to Avoid Recurrence, in the book I just finished, Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life. Cutting back on sugar is also big and I will be wrestling with that.
I am so thankful to be mucking my own stalls. I know that's an odd thought, but I think it everyday. I remember asking my surgeon how soon I would be back to my old habits and he promised by the holidays (past). And thankfully, he was right. I can lift and carry and work just like always--WHAT A BLESSING! I know breast surgery has changed so dramatically within my adult lifetime. I'm so glad I got to come in at the better end of that arc.
I will be having my exchange surgery sometime in the next month, I think. Where they replace the soft tissue expanders (that were inserted in my original surgery), with saline or silicone implants. I can't really call them permanent implants, because no implant lasts forever. I hate the thought of having surgery again, but it will be nice to get one more thing out of the way. This is outpatient.
The saline/silicone decision is a big one and I can't seem to find a definitive answer to satisfy me. I'll probably go with saline, although what I've seen makes me nervous, about them being water bags and also "hard". All the implants have silicone outer shells, so no matter what, you are putting silicone inside you. That doesn't worry me too much.
With the silicone implant, a rupture is difficult to determine. Sometimes you have to have an MRI to confirm it. With saline, a rupture is immediately noticeable--a lot like a flat tire on a bike--get the picture. At the surgeon's office they call it a "social emergency". Great.
No matter what, they'll never be as good as nature. And you know what, I miss the old ones. They weren't perfect, that's for sure, but they had some "life" to them. They squished and were comfortable. I've even had to learn to sleep differently, because these babies don't move, even a little. The good part is that stairs and running are no problem.
Being the bionic woman has its trade-offs, just like anything else.
Friday, March 27, 2009
MUST READ--do not pass go--Head straight to the library
My precious Aunt Paula, who came to cook and clean and love my children while I had surgery last October, sent me a copy of a newspaper article from her town paper. It was an interview with Dr. David Servan-Schrieber, a clinical professor of psychology, who found his own brain tumor 17 years ago. It was cancerous.
The interview was headlined, "Can you really prevent cancer?" which is a bit of an overstatement, but attention-grabbing nonetheless. The interview was interesting enough that I requested my library purchase Dr. Servan-Schrieber's book, Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life. They did and I have just finished it.
Everyone needs to read this book. Everyone. It's not a hocus-pocus--you-can-prevent-cancer book. It's an interesting story about taking control of what you can control and the power of the human body. How our modern lifestyles have aided us in supressing our bodies' abilities to defend themselves and how we can alter our "terrain" in our favor.
I could go on and on, but I'd rather you take the time to find the book and read it firsthand. Anti Cancer, A New Way of Life
Cancer patients and survivors--especially breast cancer, prostate cancer, colon cancer, throat cancer and ovarian cancer are especially mentioned. I would like to buy a copy to give my oncologist at my next visit. Dr. Servan-Schrieber mentioned several times about his own oncologists never mentioning diet or exercise, although there are studies that demonstrate absolute results from both...
There are lists of good foods, exercise info regarding yoga and karate, and meditation and stress management.
I will tip you off that the "big three" foods that make a difference are: broccoli, green tea and the spice turmeric (which must be mixed with black pepper to be absorbed.)
The interview was headlined, "Can you really prevent cancer?" which is a bit of an overstatement, but attention-grabbing nonetheless. The interview was interesting enough that I requested my library purchase Dr. Servan-Schrieber's book, Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life. They did and I have just finished it.
Everyone needs to read this book. Everyone. It's not a hocus-pocus--you-can-prevent-cancer book. It's an interesting story about taking control of what you can control and the power of the human body. How our modern lifestyles have aided us in supressing our bodies' abilities to defend themselves and how we can alter our "terrain" in our favor.
I could go on and on, but I'd rather you take the time to find the book and read it firsthand. Anti Cancer, A New Way of Life
Cancer patients and survivors--especially breast cancer, prostate cancer, colon cancer, throat cancer and ovarian cancer are especially mentioned. I would like to buy a copy to give my oncologist at my next visit. Dr. Servan-Schrieber mentioned several times about his own oncologists never mentioning diet or exercise, although there are studies that demonstrate absolute results from both...
There are lists of good foods, exercise info regarding yoga and karate, and meditation and stress management.
I will tip you off that the "big three" foods that make a difference are: broccoli, green tea and the spice turmeric (which must be mixed with black pepper to be absorbed.)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
One of my favorite baldies...
I've gotten over the anger of being bald. I've gotten over the whole idea of being bald. I can feel the wind blow through my less-than-full peach fuzz (which isn't peach). While an enjoyable sensation, it still brings a little mourning with it.
I don't remember not to scratch my head vigorously until it's too late. I don't remember not to wring out my pony tail in the shower, even after all this time. And I anxiously await my new growth. The bank teller taking my house payment yesterday had beautiful gray hair. While I'm sure it would be a big adjustment to see myself with a full head of gray hair, I'll just be glad to see myself with a full head of hair, period.
I went outdoors yesterday without wig or hat. Just sunglasses. Handyman was taken aback for a moment. We realized it was a "first". First bald day of the season. I glanced at myself in the window of the car.
Since #1 has had strep throat all weekend, we have watched 963 episodes of Star Trek:Next Generation. (Thankfully, season three.) I remembered that there are bald people I really enjoy seeing.
I told the girls about how when I first saw Jean-Luc Picard, I was appalled that they would cast a bald man as captain of the Enterprise. I was disappointed! How could a bald man be masculine enough to carry off such a role? But I was interested in the series enough to stick with it, even so.
And what did I learn? How lacking in taste I could be. Bald is beautiful, Baby!
My command for my hair? "Engage!"
I don't remember not to scratch my head vigorously until it's too late. I don't remember not to wring out my pony tail in the shower, even after all this time. And I anxiously await my new growth. The bank teller taking my house payment yesterday had beautiful gray hair. While I'm sure it would be a big adjustment to see myself with a full head of gray hair, I'll just be glad to see myself with a full head of hair, period.
I went outdoors yesterday without wig or hat. Just sunglasses. Handyman was taken aback for a moment. We realized it was a "first". First bald day of the season. I glanced at myself in the window of the car.
Since #1 has had strep throat all weekend, we have watched 963 episodes of Star Trek:Next Generation. (Thankfully, season three.) I remembered that there are bald people I really enjoy seeing.
I told the girls about how when I first saw Jean-Luc Picard, I was appalled that they would cast a bald man as captain of the Enterprise. I was disappointed! How could a bald man be masculine enough to carry off such a role? But I was interested in the series enough to stick with it, even so.
And what did I learn? How lacking in taste I could be. Bald is beautiful, Baby!
My command for my hair? "Engage!"
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