Physical Activity and its Relationship with Fighting Cancer

I have told people that having to get out of bed and take care of my horses was a big motivator to me during my cancer treatments and surgeries. It sounds like I was putting my horses ahead of my daughters, but in reality, I knew my daughters would receive the care they needed. Besides my husband, there was family and friends frequently in play to cover that base. But my barn family was a different story. Their needs gave me a strong pull out of bed every morning, every day. And once I got there, I was encouraged by being around them and I built my physical strength and confidence in providing their care.

David Haas stumbled across my blog some time ago, and read about my approach and management of my health situation, and was interested in guest-posting here.

Here is his bio from Mesothelioma.com : Joining the organization in 2011, David Haas is a cancer support group and awareness program advocate at the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance. In addition to researching the many valuable programs available to our site’s visitors, David often blogs about programs and campaigns underway at the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance, as well as creative fitness ideas for those dealing with cancer, while creating relationships with similar organizations.

David can be reached at dhaas@mesotheliomacanceralliance.org

I completely concur with David's article which follows:

Regular physical exercise has been cited in many circles to improve overall health. Being physically active can, for instance, reduce body fat, which is usually the cause of many health conditions. Many health experts also recommend it, but exactly how does it relate with the fight against cancer?

Physical exercise and cancer

Cancer treatment processes such as radiotherapy and chemotherapy may cause fatigue in patients. Fatigue related to cancer is more severe, causes more distress, and is not likely to go away by taking a nap or resting. Physical therapy and exercise is recommended for cancer-related fatigue. Moderate exercise helps to reduce this type of fatigue.

Engaging in physical activity reduces stress levels and improves mood. This is important for people diagnosed with cancer, since they need to maintain a positive attitude to cope with emotional trauma. It is not clear how exercise affects mesothelioma treatment and other types of cancer as studies indicate.

Research relating exercise with cancer

There are numerous studies that have been conducted to determine how physical activity affects the healing of people diagnosed with cancer. Although no definitive proof exists that cancer is affected by exercise, some studies have indicated a possible relationship. The National Cancer Institute (NCI) has tracked several studies that sought to find out the effects of physical exercise on cancer. Studies have indicated that physical exercise help to reduce fatigue, improve energy balance, and improve quality of life for patients with breast cancer. The studies also indicated that women who maintained an active lifestyle after diagnosis had improved rates of survival.

More studies suggested that physical exercise improves the prognosis of people who are diagnosed with colon cancer. The studies indicated that although physical activity before diagnosis did not affect survival, people who had more physical activity after diagnosis had reduced chances of recurrence. The results are summarized by NCI at their website below.

Physical and emotional strain of cancer

Diagnosis of cancer usually leads to harsh treatment procedures to ensure that the cancer doesn’t spread or grow. This causes major physical strain on the body and also emotional strain. As a result, remedial measures are required to ensure that you maintain your body in a healthy state to fight cancer.

From me, again: Get out of bed, even if it is to sit on the porch in the sun. Find something to do, especially things that produce something to show, i.e. knitting, scrapbooking, painting, etc. Have something to show for your time. Not tv or web-surfing. Don't spend all your time surfing cancer bulletin boards. Live the life you have been given. It's all you've got. :)

2 Years Out

I cannot believe it is my 2-year anniversary, with my oncologist. In preparation for this office visit, I was to have a regular blood-draw, although I could tell from the order that she was asking for more readings than usual. I was also to get a chest xray. And she had scheduled me for a second infusion of Zometa, to combat the osteopenia that I was diagnosed with last April.

Zometa was designed for bone cancer patients. It stops (kills off?) the osteoclasts in your bones, whose job is to tear down bone. That way, whatever bone-building is going on, gets to stay in place. I didn't really like the sound of that, but I appreciated the result. And due to the high cost ($1100/per infusion) out of my pocket, I was hesitant to do it again unnecessarily.

I left a message with my oncologist's office, asking if I could have a bone density scan first, since I would be paying for it, no matter what. The bone density scan cost me less than $200 and if my density had improved significantly, I wanted to skip the Zometa.

The doctor approved my plan, so I squeezed in the bone density scan the day before my office visit. It turned out that my density had improved, but not a lot. When I saw the oncologist, she said I could do whatever I wanted to do. She did not want to sway me one way or the other. I peppered her with questions...and this is what I found out.

My bone density last time was -2.2. -2.5 is the cut-off for osteoporosis. Normal is from -1 to 0. This time, I had improved to -2. Still well into the osteopenia range. She said I would not improve significantly from just calcium supplements/diet/exercise. She really wasn't sure I could ever be "normal" bone density again.

The loss of density is from my early shutdown of ovary function, due to chemotherapy, not from the tamoxifen. Since my insurance isn't deciding what I can or cannot have, I can have another bone density scan in 6 months if I want, to see if the Zometa has gained me another fraction of improvement or not. Also, there is no downside, for me, from the Zometa, other than the cost. In fact, the reason she chose Zometa for me was that it had the unexpected side effect of helping to reduce the reoccurence of breast cancer. (I think I had shared that last time.)

The other decision to be made was whether I would switch from Tamoxifen at this point to Femara. Some study had shown this to be beneficial. She said that without a doubt Femara would cause further bone density loss. So, of course, that was shelved. She didn't have any problem with me continuing with Tamoxifen.

I decided, pretty quickly, that I wasn't going to let $1000 stand between me and the chance to gain any amount of bone density. I am too young to start worrying about that. Especially since her office permits me to pay any amount on my bill, as long as I am paying. I only pay $25/week and am still paying off last April's infusion.

So I took another infusion. The nurse was so sweet, but she almost blew out my vein in my right arm--which is bad, since I can't ever use my left arm, EVER again. So she had to put it in my wrist, which wasn't that bad. 15 minutes later, I was good to go.

I don't see the doc again for 6 months. That's the prize you get after two years. :)

My chest xray was clear. My plastic surgeon waved me off for a one-year check up. Her tatoo artist told me if I was happy, she was happy. I can almost pretend it didn't happen...almost.

Happy Anniversary!

Two years ago, yesterday, I underwent my first surgery in my cancer story. I spent around 5 hours on the operating table that day, two surgical teams took turns taking me apart and putting me back together.

Praise the Lord! For their skill and knowledge and compassion.

Today, I am totally and completely well. I had about 4 or 5 more surgeries, after that, to get completely "done", but I am now finished. I feel great and am happy and content. I took an infusion of Zometa earlier this year to combat osteopenia, which is probably the result of chemo. The Zometa will help me build bone, but also has a side-effect of reducing reoccurence of bc.

My hair is my same old hair, just not long enough yet. :)

I can honestly say that cancer made me a better person. And I can honestly say that I am glad I went through it because I like the new me more. I am so thankful to all my wonderful friends who helped and fed us, and helped and helped us some more. My family, who came from far and near to do any and all things needed. My insurance company (honestly), that paid and paid and paid, without one single glitch or increase. My husband, who walked through it with me, with humor and not one hint of discomfort or fear. My girls, who kept my focus off myself-- :)--and my wonderful menagerie, who needed me to get out of bed and bring the food!

With God, all things ARE possible.

Don't go getting soft on me...

At my quarterly check-up with the oncologist in January, I had asked about a bone-density test. I don't know what prompted that, I probably read something about post-chemo bone loss. Anyway, she scheduled me for one and thankfully, they called to remind me about the appt, because I didn't have it in my book. The test was quick and painless and I saw the oncologist again in April.

She said I have osteopenia in my hip and spine with a grade of -2.2 in each. The cut-off for osteoporosis is -2.5, so I guess I was getting close. She told me to take 1500 mg. of calcium a day and about 4 bushels of raisin bran to counteract the calcium, if you get my drift.

I told her that I was riding horses and could in no way be breaking any bones. I told her that my MIL had taken the IV bone builder Reclast a year ago, and her osteopenia was GONE--could I take that?

She was excited to know that I wanted to adress the issue more aggressively and told me that the drug Zometa, developed for bone cancer, has the same active ingredient as Reclast, but has shown the unexpected side effect of preventing recurrence of breast cancer. So, if I was going to do the IV thing, she would want me to do Zometa. And do it again in 6 months and then another bone scan.

So I did. A 30-minute IV drip in the infusion lab, which was pretty creepy really. I wanted to wear a big sign that said, "I'm just here for the bone builder." And then came the bill for $1200.

Yep, $1200. And I haven't met my deductible yet, so it's all on me. I did not have any of the side effects that I was warned of, not even sore joints, so PTL.

Lessons learned: Ask for bone density test, even if you have to pay for it. She wasn't even suggesting a stronger approach than calcium supplements until I brought it up.

BTW, she told me how disappointed she gets that many women, MANY women will not even do Tamoxifen because they don't want to have hot flashes! Sorry, cannot believe that. Hot flashes versus cancer...hmmm...

It's summer and the living is easy...

Just a note to say that life is good at Netherfield. In the past month, I have had my exchange surgery, a new dog, two children in two different plays, closing ceremonies for Awana (twice), 4H dog program start-up, a truckload of daylilies to plant (seriously), a dryer full of red bubblegum, dance lessons, a weekend scrapbook project for 8th grade language arts, and a whole lot of driving!

It is hectic and normal. And who couldn't ask for more normalcy? On the "front" front--my exchange surgery came quickly as I was on the "bump up" list. So they called whenever there was a surgery cancellation, which worked well for me. I love my new look. I was a little disheartened by my tissue expanders. They didn't seem symetrical and they were blocky and hard.

She asked me pre-op if I was happy with the size and I told her no, to err on the side of smaller. I decided bigger wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and I was thankful to have lived with them for a few months before I had to make the choice. She said, no problem, they had "racks" of them back there in the OR. So I opted for smaller and I am very pleased.

I'm going to wrap up this blog and move back to Netherfield--where the fodder is more interesting! I am so thankful to all of you who have had a hand, or a dish, in my recovery. I am a better person for it and I hope you will all know how much your care and love has meant to me.

Five O'Clock Shadow

Well, the Star Trek commands have done their job! My hair has "engaged". You can tell from across the room, that the top of my head is a different, darker color than my face--yippee! In fact, on one side, the hair is actually lying down! It is thin, but it roars, to me anyway.

I still pick up hair rubber bands and put them in my pants pocket, thinking I'll need them later. And you know what? I will.

Just wondering how long until I'll ditch my snug little wiggie for good...

I hope everyone is on schedule for your mammogram. I hope you are making dietary and exercise changes in your daily life, including meditation time. I'm looking into a Christian rosary-type meditation. The book I recently recommended Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life, spoke of some remarkable advantages of meditation, specifically studied in people who used the Latin Rosary. The memorized prayer, its timing and the serenity brought on by the routine recitation brought opportunities for the body to settle and align itself in a completely unique way. (Of course this makes sense to people of faith...)

Anyway, take this first-of-the-month opportunity to stretch in ways and try new things to put yourself on more solid footing in caring for yourself. Often, we moms put others first SO often, that we suffer. And as the old story goes, starving people must feed themselves first, for if they are lost, their children most certainly will be lost as well.

Take care of yourself, today. No one else is going to do it for you!

Here's to a hairy spring! ;)

Wilkommen and sayonara

Lots going on around here--let me just say that when I have been whining and wishing for hair, I did not intend for hair to return to MY UPPER LIP! I think you should get to avoid that forever once you have had parts of your body removed/replaced. There is hair on my head. Each of my children have commented on it separately. It mostly looks colorless, although that cannot be the complete truth, since I notice a "five o'clock shadow"ishness to the top of my head. And today, before church, I swear it looked a little "spotty" for lack of a better term. I've been afraid to look since then.

And there is hair on my legs and I still have a numb armpit, which makes shaving a daredevil activity!

My fingernails, on the other hand, seem to be going the way of the dodo. More and more of them are "letting go" as it were. Lifting themselves off and taking on a yellowish hue. Ick. I suppose it didn't help that I washed the pony's tail yesterday with no gloves on. Equine hygiene is high on my list, here.

I have got to get walking now, as exercise was very high on the list of Ways to Avoid Recurrence, in the book I just finished, Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life. Cutting back on sugar is also big and I will be wrestling with that.

I am so thankful to be mucking my own stalls. I know that's an odd thought, but I think it everyday. I remember asking my surgeon how soon I would be back to my old habits and he promised by the holidays (past). And thankfully, he was right. I can lift and carry and work just like always--WHAT A BLESSING! I know breast surgery has changed so dramatically within my adult lifetime. I'm so glad I got to come in at the better end of that arc.

I will be having my exchange surgery sometime in the next month, I think. Where they replace the soft tissue expanders (that were inserted in my original surgery), with saline or silicone implants. I can't really call them permanent implants, because no implant lasts forever. I hate the thought of having surgery again, but it will be nice to get one more thing out of the way. This is outpatient.

The saline/silicone decision is a big one and I can't seem to find a definitive answer to satisfy me. I'll probably go with saline, although what I've seen makes me nervous, about them being water bags and also "hard". All the implants have silicone outer shells, so no matter what, you are putting silicone inside you. That doesn't worry me too much.

With the silicone implant, a rupture is difficult to determine. Sometimes you have to have an MRI to confirm it. With saline, a rupture is immediately noticeable--a lot like a flat tire on a bike--get the picture. At the surgeon's office they call it a "social emergency". Great.

No matter what, they'll never be as good as nature. And you know what, I miss the old ones. They weren't perfect, that's for sure, but they had some "life" to them. They squished and were comfortable. I've even had to learn to sleep differently, because these babies don't move, even a little. The good part is that stairs and running are no problem.

Being the bionic woman has its trade-offs, just like anything else.

MUST READ--do not pass go--Head straight to the library

My precious Aunt Paula, who came to cook and clean and love my children while I had surgery last October, sent me a copy of a newspaper article from her town paper. It was an interview with Dr. David Servan-Schrieber, a clinical professor of psychology, who found his own brain tumor 17 years ago. It was cancerous.

The interview was headlined, "Can you really prevent cancer?" which is a bit of an overstatement, but attention-grabbing nonetheless. The interview was interesting enough that I requested my library purchase Dr. Servan-Schrieber's book, Anti-Cancer, A New Way of Life. They did and I have just finished it.

Everyone needs to read this book. Everyone. It's not a hocus-pocus--you-can-prevent-cancer book. It's an interesting story about taking control of what you can control and the power of the human body. How our modern lifestyles have aided us in supressing our bodies' abilities to defend themselves and how we can alter our "terrain" in our favor.

I could go on and on, but I'd rather you take the time to find the book and read it firsthand. Anti Cancer, A New Way of Life

Cancer patients and survivors--especially breast cancer, prostate cancer, colon cancer, throat cancer and ovarian cancer are especially mentioned. I would like to buy a copy to give my oncologist at my next visit. Dr. Servan-Schrieber mentioned several times about his own oncologists never mentioning diet or exercise, although there are studies that demonstrate absolute results from both...

There are lists of good foods, exercise info regarding yoga and karate, and meditation and stress management.

I will tip you off that the "big three" foods that make a difference are: broccoli, green tea and the spice turmeric (which must be mixed with black pepper to be absorbed.)

glacial change

That title does not mean that I do not appreciate my situation. I feel great, absolutely 100% me--which means tired. My hair is truly growing. But it will be a long time until anyone can appreciate it besides me.

My fingernails continue to entertain and embarrass me. The original "smashed" marks on four of them are growing out ever so slowly. And now you can see they all look yellowed and ridge-y. The index fingernail on my left hand is detached to about halfway down. And now there is dirt under the nail, halfway down, where even dental floss can't reach it. Yuck. It's sort of a silt line. Very appetizing at dinner or when meeting new people.

Today I notice that the thumbnail on that hand also has what looks like a little air bubble underneath it. That is how the index fingernail situation started out. I'm wondering if it too is going to give up the ghost. Frankly, I'm okay with that. It is a continuous reminder that the meds did their job and now they are done. As these nails grow out and get trimmed away, I will be emerging from my old shell too.

Hopefully with hair!

Are you on schedule?

Sooooooo, is your mammogram scheduled? Are you on schedule? Are you taking an active stance in your healthcare?? These are important questions! I want to remind everyone, my cancer was "found" because I had missed several years (!) of mammograms for various reasons. I had gone in March 08 to get back on schedule. I had a physical exam by my ob/gyn at that time and was given no cause for concern. BECAUSE I had been off for several years, they asked me to come back for a six-month follow-up, in September. PTL! Had they not asked for that, I would just be getting ready to go for my annual mammo in March. Next month.

In addition, keep in mind that I had a physical breast exam by my ob/gyn and a mammogram. Both normal. In September, I had a mammogram and an ultrasound. Then a biopsy. No one could "feel" anything. They requested I have a biopsy on a suspicious site. That biopsy turned up positive for lobular cancer, which does not form "tumors" or lumps. It is more of a thickening of tissue.

I then saw a breast surgeon, who also did a physical exam--didn't feel anything unusual. He showed me my mammogram pictures and said other than the biopsy site, he didn't see anything that concerned him. He also sent me for an MRI.

The MRI showed another suspicious spot, right next to the biopsy site. This apparently didn't look suspicious on mammogram or ultrasound, since no one else mentioned it. Since I had already decided for a double mastectomy, we didn't feel it was necessary to wait longer and do another biopsy on that site. It was all coming out anyway, was my/our thoughts. (I decided to do the double after I asked him what he would tell his wife to do--and he said take it all off and be done with it.)

THEN--after surgery, the tissue studies found cellular incidence of cancer in MY OTHER BREAST! The one that showed NOTHING in mammogram, ultrasound, physical exams and MRI's! NOTHING. But cancer was there.

PLEASE stay on top of your own health. I know the Lord orchestrated my whole story because it's an amazing story with more twists and turns than I have shared here. Please know your family history and pay attention to any gut feelings. Do those goofy self-exams. Stay on schedule with doctor appointments and don't short yourself because it's expensive, etc. (The bill for my last chemo just came--$13000! That's just one treatment.)

Take care of yourself--for my sake! :)

Last symptom

Here's hoping it's the last one...

my poor, sore finger tips are now showing evidence of some kind of damage. Two weeks ago, I slammed my left hand fingers in the front door, as I was racing in to get something. I took a big ole' chunk out of the side of my index finger and busted the trim on the door jamb doing it. Fortunately I had one of those leftover hospital ice packs. With daily doses of Corona (not the beer), it healed pretty nicely but the finger tip seemed pretty painful, which I assumed was from slamming it in the door.

The big notch out of my finger is now healed but all of the sudden the pinky and ring finger on that hand have blood under the nails, as if they too were slammed. I told Handyman that it was pretty amazing that I could slam three fingers in the door at once. Kinda odd.

That was until the pinky and ring fingers on my right hand also have blood under the nails. Weird. I KNOW I didn't slam my right hand in the door that day. It still hurts to drum my fingers on a table and even a little to type. I read that some people lose their nails during chemo; but I think it's really strange that this wouldn't happen to me until two and a half weeks after my last chemo. I guess it's just a cumulative effect thing.

Please pray for Angela--a young mother of three (I think) in my church who is pregnant and has been diagnosed with invasive ductile breast cancer. Her baby is due in about eight weeks and she is undergoing chemo now.

Also, regarding the little boy hit by the schoolbus and killed last week. Our children's pastor's wife is a teacher at that school. And she is my daughter's Awana table leader. She told the girls tonight that that little boy was being raised by his grandmother, who is a Christian and the little boy was also a Christian. So we can know that he is with the Lord now. :*)

Taking inventory

I am late in posting this picture from Christmas week. From the left, there's me with my "hair", then Needa who lunched with me at chemo (and makes the best chicken pot pie), then LD, who knitted umpteen awesome hats for me way down in TX, and KS, who coordinated all the meals you brought us and she drove me to the hospital to have #3 (oh and helped Needa and my other buds paint my kitchen the same day.) Merry Christmas!

Today is the day after Day 14--the official day when my white-cell blood count should start heading back to normal. Of course, #3 played with a "coughing girl" at Awana, it was reported to me. And of course, #3 now has a runny/stuffy nose...so we'll see. But even if, I think we'll conquer it.

That being said, here's the current situation: No hair, but lots of little pricklies--that don't hurt anymore. They're not new. They're what refused to go! Here's to the tough hair that hung in there, no matter what! Yea tough hair!

My fingertips are all touchy. Like each one has been tapped well with a hammer. I'll be glad for this one to go. Fingernails are tough and cracky.

Tongue seems to be on the mend. I gorged myself at my mother's last night on lasagna and garlic bread and halibut dip and cocktail weenies and a great salad brought by Aibrean with goat cheese and cashews and craisins and sliced pear--good heavens--I'll have to post that recipe. Also, salsa tasted tomato-y to me yesterday at lunchtime. That was a shocker. Maybe I won't have to keep drinking limeade.

My right eye twitches all the time--how that is related to chemo, I don't know but it never did it before and has done it consistently throughout.

My GI system is not totally itself yet either, but definitely tolerable.

So far everyone, to a person, loves my "hair". Everyone says I look way younger. Okay, so I looked haggard and aged before. And I always thought a pony tail took off ten years--might have to rethink this.

So today's poll is...what color do you think my hair will be when it comes back??

LAST CHEMO TOMORROW!

Yippee! I saw the nurse at the plastic surgeon today...she removed the steri strips from the little surgery on New Year's Eve. No more blue blob!

Got several compliments on my "hair" from people who don't know. So hilarious! I want to say, "you can buy one too!"

Needa is having lunch with me at chemo tomorrow--I don't think they'll let us bring sparklers or anything, though. I had brunch here this morning with SP and TO. TO brought me a big meal of enchiladas for tomorrow night or Saturday, to feed poor Handyman. SP is keeping all the womenfolk while I go tomorrow.

My parental units have fed me several times this week, just out of charity. I'm feeling great. #1 is going off to middle school on Monday, so I have to get up to drive her to that. Life is changin' all over the place...

Quick update

Just so you know, no updates have meant that I am feeling great and being busy! I bounced back from chemo even faster this time, only about 3-4 ick days. I have way less hair and really like my wig for all its convenience factors. I have chemo again on Friday.

I had an appt. with the plastic surgeon/generous genius today and due to the chemo, the blue blob spot is still not closed up completely. So, she's taking me in for a 5-minute surgery tomorrow to just remove the darn thing and stitch me up for good. Frankly, I'll be glad to be done with it. I'm sick of looking at it. Anyway, tomorrow afternoon will be spent in wait for that process, then chemo on Friday, then football all weekend.

Then we'll be in the homestretch with only one more to go!

Busy, busy! I didn't send out any Christmas cards this year, so don't think I missed/skipped you!

Chemo went well...

Hey all--thanks for all your thoughts and prayers--Chemo #2 went smoothly. Needa brought me my favorite lunch (Qdoba), since Handyman was off-site. Kids all went with Mimi and Papa to the Children's Museum and a good time was had by all.

My onco-type test came back with a predicted recurrence rate of 12%. That is on the low end of the medium rate. My chemo will reduce that amount by 40%, so it would be about 8%. Then taking Tamoxifen after chemo will reduce that remaining rate by about 18%, which would take me to about 6.6ish%. That would seem to be about as good a rate as anybody walking down the street, or maybe less. I was glad to hear it and am thankful for how far chemo has come in the last decade.

I left chemo, came home, turned out horses, let out dogs, back in car to the bank, post office, grocery and feed store. So much for taking it easy. Then Mimi and Papa and kids rolled back in for #2's first birthday dinner. I had forgotten to mash potatoes (thank God for pressure cooker), or bake the cake! So #2 baked her own cake and we had a nice dinner.

Mom had to help clean up the kitchen from Hades, again. But we got to do it together and catch upon extended family information.

Stream-of-conciousness conversation at our dinner table: Spiderwoman is NOT related to Spiderman in any way, and wears VERY tight garments; SpiderGIRL is the offspring of Spiderman and Mary Jane; #1 did Mendel's genetic trait grid plotting in biology; Henry VIII beheaded his wives for failing to produce a male heir, but it is the male parent who determines the sex of the child; My cousin met a new significant other on the internet who is a successful published author; Julianne Hough has 9 siblings, they're called the "Blosmonds" (blonde/Osmond) because of their Mormon faith and large family; Somebody tooted in the car on the way to Children's Museum and we had to put all the windows down;

Your basic day at Netherfield--glad I am here for it.

Hair watch: If I showered, it would be gone. But I don't want to bare it all for the slumber party--icky hair--thank goodness for my hat stash.

Here we go!

Chugging up that dark Space Mountain hill that is...Space Mountain, the dark roller coaster at Disneyworld begins by the slow ascent through "NASA Space Command", the only lighted area until you disembark. Behind the glass windows are the mannequin space controllers and the top of the hill is, well, dark. Who knows what waits beyond?? That's me.

But first, here's my hair: The back--with the ponytail that AC saved so Handyman could tuck it into his pillow and pet it if he wants. (There was more hair than that, she just cut that first, leaving her a generous length to work with.) How about those waves!



And, here's the front:



Pretty cute, I think! At the dinner table, #1 told me I could pass for 30!! And #2 said I looked like a teenager from the 70's. (This was said in complimentary fashion.) I told her I WAS a teenager in the 70's. When we got to Awana, people were falling all over themselves telling me that it looked great--most of them not knowing the reason I got it cut. I kept wanting to say, "Well, love it while you can!" Even men noticed. I guess I must have looked pretty old and haggard before!!

When we got home from dropping off the kids (separately), Handyman had a little surprise for me: Ben & Jerry's CHUBBY HUBBY! I don't think I've had Chubby Hubby in 5 years or more. I didn't even know they still made it! We ate it straight from the tub, on our bed while we watched Ocean's 12. That was a fun movie and I already have Oceans 13 sitting on the armoire, ready to go (from the library). We signed up for Netflix yesterday morning.

I honestly am not scared. I usually respond well to medicine, so I am hoping to soak up all the anti-nausea meds they offer and just muddle through. Handyman is taking me because they require you to bring someone the first time. I can't make him sit there for three hours though, because he has stall mats to work on--tee hee! So, Needa is going to come over towards the end time and bring me home. Plus she wants to borrow my Bill O'Reilly book for her drive to NY.

We had a great meal from SR last night, a baked ziti dish that was enough for two meals. It was great to have ready before leaving for Awana. #1 is going to school with her best bud all day today. This is the first time she has gone to school since Kindergarten. I hope she can write off some school-related myths she's been carrying around forever.

All three princesses will be getting together at Mimi & Papa's tonight to watch their tivo'd Dancing With the Stars results night and barring any serious worshipping of the porcelain god here at home, they'll all be in their own beds tonight. I'm pretty sure that chemo is also an innoculation against all future zits, cold sores, hemmorhoids, warts, bunions and ingrown toenails...at least it should be, in my book.

Thanks again for all the prayers and heartfelt goodwishes. Thanks to the Lord for chemo! Cheers!

How much does all this cost??

In case anyone is wondering what breast cancer runs in the financial arena...

My bill from the breast surgeon was around $5000, of which he received $1500 from insurance and $300 from me. That $5000 was for surgery day, not visits, which were minimal.

The plastic surgeon's bill for surgery was $11,000, which she filed with my insurance, they routed it to a "non-network" deductible of $10,000, which I have met none of, so she receives nothing.

The anaesthesiologist was around $1500-$1800, can't remember. I think that's pathetic considering she's doing the risky stuff.

The hospital bill came yesterday; keep in mind I was there around 30 hours. I didn't have a lightswitch I could reach all night and the bill was $46,000, which they were paid $39,000 by the insurance company.

The insurance company also paid $2700 for the BR-CA gene test. Since some of my chemo will be done after the first of the year, I'll be responsible for the first $5500. But after that, they pay everything (in network). Not bad, considering.

Water gets deeper

The day we've all been waiting for...well, maybe it was just me waiting for it. Or pretending it wouldn't come. I met my oncologist yesterday and liked her very much. Her undergrad was with honors, she was chief resident at IU and then her MD from Vanderbilt, so she's no slouch. She's my age or a little younger. Very kind and nice.

She said all my situations fall in the middle of the road--the size of my cancer mass, my age, the aggressiveness of my cancer cells, are all mid-range. The onco-type test takes two weeks to get the results. Even if it comes back that I have a "low likelihood" of recurrence from that test, she would still be recommending that I do chemo, sooner rather than later. Also, there were cancer cells in the right breast tissue. They were immeasurable, but existed. So, another thing to be thankful for--getting them both done. PTL

She said chemo lowers your recurrence risk by 40%. Taking Tamoxifen after that lowers the remaining risk by another 18%, so they are worth doing. She felt like she was the bearer of bad news, although it isn't really bad news. It's a temporary tunnel you pass through to make the far end of the road longer, I guess.

She said my hair would fall out 19 days after the first treatment. I have to have four treatments, 21 days apart. She said you feel pretty crappy for about a week, then your blood counts drop and you need to be very careful about germs and fresh fruits and vegetables at that point. Then about the time you get feeling better it's time to do it again.

I cried. I admit it. It's so silly to cry over something that seems so shallow, but in reality, it's a BIG part of my identity. Handyman LOVES my hair. It is my one vanity solely because he has always gone on and on about how he loves it. I am glad it will be winter; and I am glad I really do like hats. I will hate having no eyelashes especially. But it gives me a chance to be humble and to pick out something else to identify me, I guess. How about a big blue blob? Oh, right, I can't be showing that to everyone. It is getting lighter in color, but the oncologist said it would last awhile. Wonder what her definition of "awhile" is?

It'll still be football season, so that'll help. And I'm signing up for Netflix. My concession to cancer?? Netflix. No late fees. I just have to walk to my mailbox. My friend RM is giving me some recipes for homemade calorie-intensive foods to boost my strength. I think I'm going to take #1 and #2 to Olive Garden for an early birthday dinner, while I still feel like eating.

I'm considering the whole hibernation thing--don't show my face until March 1. My blog b/c friend, Gail has been through her first treatment, so I have some hints of what goes on. I'm sure my friend Aibrean will have words to encourage me with, since she has walked this road, with a great sense of fashion, I might add.

Here's what I am chanting to myself: IT's TEMPORARY. IT's WORTH IT. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. (You'll look like a bowling pin.) Oh, that's probably not one I should keep repeating.

Well, I have to get a flu shot. I have intensive vacuuming to do. I'm off to search "homeschooling with chemo" and "chemo for the holidays". Bottom line, again: It ain't my pancreas. Thank you Lord that chemo exists. (Remind me of this in two weeks.)

Appointment

Okay, the big oncology appointment is next Thursday, I think at 10 am. He asked me whether I wanted to see a man or a woman oncologist, or did I care; and I told him I didn't care if a uterus was involved, I just wanted to see a good one.

So I am set up with a woman oncologist; no word on whether she has a uterus or not. She will order what's called an "onco type" test that involves 21 chromosomal markers (I think that's what he said.) They will compare the arrangement of my 21 markers with many gazillions of others who they have followed to determine if I have a low, moderate or high likelihood of recurrence. That will determine the chemo recommendation.

Oh, and my cancer was 2.7 centimeters, so that pushes me into Stage 2, although all my other things were clear, so I'm what they call a 2A, which means just barely at 2. My other cancer blob next to the biopsy site was only 4mm. And, my cancer is estrogen positive, which is good, because that means they have medicine that works on it. Estrogen negative is very challenging and not very responsive, I guess. He is almost positive I will have to take Tamoxifen which is an anti-estrogen, so I could plunge into menopause--Whooo whee! Whatever--better than bein' dead.

Sounds like more big decisions for me. Maybe I should just wait on someone from the government to tell me what to do...

On the abdominal front, I was miserable all evening last night, watching stupid tv shows, because I didn't even want to read. No wonder our country is going downhill so fast. If most homes have that schlock blaring 18 hrs. a day, I can see why peoples' brains have turned to oatmeal. Anyway, today I am feeling a little better, but usually do in the morning. We'll see what the evening brings. I am going to my folks to watch Dancing With the Stars--my one video weakness. (I saw who got voted off last night while perusing those dumb entertainment shows. Thank the Lord I found a This Old House rerun.)

It was great to take a shower without tubes hanging out of me. But, the blue blob shows no signs of fading. I can tell this abdominal thing is slimming me down, which just gives me more splurge room for the holidays. After all, it's EGG NOG season! Woooo hoooo!

Up and down

Had my visit with the surgeon. He said he'd see me in 6 months and he doesn't know why I have a large blob of blue ink still in a strategic place. He found that pretty weird and promised me it would go away. I'm glad because if I was going to get a tatoo there, it would've been a little fancier.

He promised that my arms would be equally good when I finished healing. He encouraged me to stretch the painful one and not baby it. He doesn't want me to have my armpit aspirated again unless it is worse than it was when I saw him. And I do not think it is worse.

However, I feel sort of yukky. I have achy stomach and some tenderness at the bottom of my sternum. I could not get comfortable last night and ended up chewing two pepto bismol tablets and that settled me down. Then I woke up again at 2 and felt the same and fortunately had two tablets left. My eyes sort of popped open then and I thought, "I wonder if I have an ulcer."

Gee, I don't know--teenage angst ongoing issues (for oh 5 years now), in-law related stress on many topics, including hospitalization this week for my FIL, breast cancer, election trauma and I was on Celebrex for 10 days...can't see why I'd feel too stressed.

Sure enough, I looked it up online--the source of all knowledge--and it seems possible. My symptoms seem to fit. So I'm waiting on a call from the surgeon's nurse to see if they'll just call something in for me to see what'll happen.

My energy is good, other than this yukkiness and election depression. It was great to see all my cousins at the funeral yesterday. Handyman looked so great in his suit and my girls looked really grown up too. We got to see Auntie P., Uncle N. and Grandma from WVA there as well. A bonus for the girls!

My cousin Jules tried to tell Handyman that she read that you should never vacuum once you've been diagnosed with breast cancer--that it is off the list FOR GOOD! I don't think he was buying it. Gotta go, the dust bunnies have lifted the bed off the floor.