Okay Friends: You've all been begging me and now, now it's time to turn you loose! The batlight has been lit on top of the house, only it's not a bat silhouette, but an outline of a waiter holding a tray with the lid lifted, and steam wafting.
There's no food goin' on here since Auntie P. left for them hills of W.Va. Last night's dinner: some 3-day old lasagna and a frozen pizza. Tonight, #2 and #3 got fed at a friend's and #1, Handyman and I had frozen fish sticks, microwaved baked potatoes and a drink. Handyman is downstairs right now, eating Triscuits and hummus. #2 hasn't seen a vegetable in almost a week.
If he knew the code to get on here, he'd have signaled before now (because all of you cook better than I do!) So, if you want to help out, this is your time. Frankly, by the end of a day, I have made it through and want to sit on my bed, soak up a pain pill and read a book. I did unload the dishwasher today, carried some clean jeans upstairs, fed horses, drove to dermatologist, went to bank, fed lunch to whomever would eat and found a really cute horse on the internet...oh, and looked at the biology cd and supervised litterbox cleaning. A big day, really.
You can't know how much he'll appreciate it...
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
What a wonderful day in the neighborhood....
I forgot to mention the most charming package to come in the mail last week. It was from my cousin CK, but it really came from her #1, whose 1st grade brownie troop ALL sent get well cards! They are so precious. I'm thinking of wall-papering my bathroom with them. There must be 20 from these precious little women, putting all their coloring energy together for me. Have I mentioned that I love coloring? I still do. Something about new crayons...Thank you little CK, from the bottom of my heart! xoxo
In Psalm 27, for yesterday, this struck me:
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
And for today: Psalm 28: Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strenth and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
And now, my aunt and my grandma are not here swiffering and running laundry and the I must go down to the kitchen and get on the hamster wheel of house work!
In Psalm 27, for yesterday, this struck me:
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
And for today: Psalm 28: Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strenth and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
And now, my aunt and my grandma are not here swiffering and running laundry and the I must go down to the kitchen and get on the hamster wheel of house work!
Always washing, always washing,
Always hanging out the clothes.
Always ironing, always folding--
Lord, we thank Thee, we are clothed.
Always cooking, always cooking.
Always baking loaves of bread.
Always washing dirty dishes--
Lord, we thank Thee, we are fed.
Always cleaning, always cleaning.
Always chasing dirt untold.
Dusting, sweeping--Lord we thank Thee
We are sheltered from the cold.
Always rocking, always rocking.
Always picking up the toys.
Changing diapers--Lord we thank Thee
For our little girls and boys.
Lord in every task and duty,
Gladly done, as unto Thee.
There's a blessing, there's a blessing.
There's a blessing there for me.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Halle-Lu-YEAH!
God is so incredibly cool--I just love when he puts his little signatory on things. I have several stories that confirm this, just ask me sometime about how I met my husband or how we found our house.
Today's story has to do with cancer, specifically my cancer, which was evicted last Monday. Dr. T., the breast surgeon called me today with my pathology results. He said all of the lymph nodes he removed tested negative for cancer--that is soooo great! He also said that the three sentinel nodes that were tested in the operating room are all negative for cancer--what was that??? Right, there was one that was positive, so they removed a bunch more to cover for that one.
Now what's the story? He said they are "backpeddaling" now and saying the one that had cancer, does not. He said he wishes he'd had that information last Monday, because he wouldn't have whipped out the shop vac and gone at it in my armpit after all. But he says, "I can't put the genie back in the bottle."
No he can't and doggone it, I'm okay with that. To me it's God's sign that he's totally in control. Little signposts, like breadcrumbs, that say "He is here and in charge".
So, I'm several lymph nodes short of a full load, but we'll deal with that. I will see an oncologist, but Dr. T. says he thinks I have less than a 50% chance of having to have chemo. Oh, and the other "mass" that was seen in the MRI was another cancer, but it was only 4mm. Right side was clear, a victim by association, as it were.
I am celebrating by eating all of the cookies my aunt left here, watching Monday Night Football, eating popcorn on my bed and throwing back a few stool softeners. Have a great evening--on me!
Today's story has to do with cancer, specifically my cancer, which was evicted last Monday. Dr. T., the breast surgeon called me today with my pathology results. He said all of the lymph nodes he removed tested negative for cancer--that is soooo great! He also said that the three sentinel nodes that were tested in the operating room are all negative for cancer--what was that??? Right, there was one that was positive, so they removed a bunch more to cover for that one.
Now what's the story? He said they are "backpeddaling" now and saying the one that had cancer, does not. He said he wishes he'd had that information last Monday, because he wouldn't have whipped out the shop vac and gone at it in my armpit after all. But he says, "I can't put the genie back in the bottle."
No he can't and doggone it, I'm okay with that. To me it's God's sign that he's totally in control. Little signposts, like breadcrumbs, that say "He is here and in charge".
So, I'm several lymph nodes short of a full load, but we'll deal with that. I will see an oncologist, but Dr. T. says he thinks I have less than a 50% chance of having to have chemo. Oh, and the other "mass" that was seen in the MRI was another cancer, but it was only 4mm. Right side was clear, a victim by association, as it were.
I am celebrating by eating all of the cookies my aunt left here, watching Monday Night Football, eating popcorn on my bed and throwing back a few stool softeners. Have a great evening--on me!
Progress
Okay, got one drain removed and the On-Q local anaesthetic deal as well. Multiple people told me in the hospital that when the On-Q was empty, I could easily remove it by myself. Now keep in mind that it was two tiny tubes with plastic heads, taped into the skin over my sternum, with lots of tape. Well, it was pretty much empty yesterday morning, but I just couldn't bring myself to untape it and pull it out. Just couldn't go there...and figured since I was seeing her first thing this morning, she could just do it.
Fast forward to this morning, where I sheepishly pronounce to the Physician Assistant that I couldn't take it out myself and she said no problem. Then when the PS comes in and I re-announce this, she says "Who told you to take it out?" and I tell her that more than one nurse in the hospital told me to, she says; "Boy, I'm glad you didn't try that since I sew them in. You'd have had a dickens of a time getting it out." And, it ended up being about 2' long, after they cut the stitch to pull them out. Wow--points for being a weenie!
So, only one drain left and it will probably come out by the end of the week. I can drive. No cardio-work for two weeks--bummer. No heavy lifting for 6, oh well. There goes all that mattress turning I had planned.
Aunt and Grandma are leaving me today, so I'll have to do my own kitchen cleaning--mega-bummer. Now if I could just get my MIL to stop saying "WHEN your hair falls out, we'll have to tell Grandpa."
Fast forward to this morning, where I sheepishly pronounce to the Physician Assistant that I couldn't take it out myself and she said no problem. Then when the PS comes in and I re-announce this, she says "Who told you to take it out?" and I tell her that more than one nurse in the hospital told me to, she says; "Boy, I'm glad you didn't try that since I sew them in. You'd have had a dickens of a time getting it out." And, it ended up being about 2' long, after they cut the stitch to pull them out. Wow--points for being a weenie!
So, only one drain left and it will probably come out by the end of the week. I can drive. No cardio-work for two weeks--bummer. No heavy lifting for 6, oh well. There goes all that mattress turning I had planned.
Aunt and Grandma are leaving me today, so I'll have to do my own kitchen cleaning--mega-bummer. Now if I could just get my MIL to stop saying "WHEN your hair falls out, we'll have to tell Grandpa."
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Product endorsement, shameless
FYI, for anyone with ANY upcoming surgery...ask your doctor or surgeon about On-Q--this little thing is amazing! When I went to the website this morning, it indicated that the product can be used for any number of different surgeries, c-sections, knee replacement, etc. It is a constant input of local anaesthesia to your surgery site over a period of 4-5 days and I will be removing it myself today, since it's finally empty.
What a blessing it has been, rather than relying on narcotics, which make you sick or stupid or both. I guess it's another blessing of having a top-drawer plastic surgeon. It has been amazing to watch the little canteen in the bag and try to figure out how it works. Now, seeing it at the end of its duty, we've decided that the cylinder is expanded to its maximum size full of medicine (about the size of a softball), the pressure of the container trying to return to its original shape is pushing the medicine down the tube (at a prescribed rate, of course) into the surgery site.
I HIGHLY recommend it!
What a blessing it has been, rather than relying on narcotics, which make you sick or stupid or both. I guess it's another blessing of having a top-drawer plastic surgeon. It has been amazing to watch the little canteen in the bag and try to figure out how it works. Now, seeing it at the end of its duty, we've decided that the cylinder is expanded to its maximum size full of medicine (about the size of a softball), the pressure of the container trying to return to its original shape is pushing the medicine down the tube (at a prescribed rate, of course) into the surgery site.
I HIGHLY recommend it!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Flowers!
Here's the photo gallery of all the pretty plants I have received! Sure brightens the day to have them around. Thanks to everyone!
This is an actual cranberry bush, from my aunt and cousins and families in South Dakota. It has cranberries on it, ready to pick, but has pretty foliage too. It says I have to wrap it in plastic and put it in the crisper drawer for several months, until April, I think. Good thing I have two refrigerators!
This pretty Peace Lily came from my cousin and her family, in Ohio. I have always liked these.
This arrangement came from our church. It smells like mums, which say "fall" to me!
These beauties are from #1's biology teacher, who chose them because they are beautiful and last a long, long time. I love them too!
This is an actual cranberry bush, from my aunt and cousins and families in South Dakota. It has cranberries on it, ready to pick, but has pretty foliage too. It says I have to wrap it in plastic and put it in the crisper drawer for several months, until April, I think. Good thing I have two refrigerators!
This pretty Peace Lily came from my cousin and her family, in Ohio. I have always liked these.
This arrangement came from our church. It smells like mums, which say "fall" to me!
These beauties are from #1's biology teacher, who chose them because they are beautiful and last a long, long time. I love them too!
Friday, October 24, 2008
You're not going to believe this...
MIL, of course, came to visit me today. I knew she would feel better once she saw me. She was, of course, on the verge of tears most of the time. I did press hard against telling FIL, since it will just make him sad and worried unnecessarily. I don't see any reason to burden him. I get the feeling she's not going to rest until she tells him.
The good news is, MIL only used the word "autopsy" once... ;)
The good news is, MIL only used the word "autopsy" once... ;)
Getting up is getting easier
Well, we told MIL last night. Handyman drove to her house to tell her. I was honestly afraid she might collapse--but she didn't, thank heavens. She called me and said, "I'm mad at you!" and I said, "Well, you'll have to forgive me." and of course she said she would. I just started telling her what a great "God story" it is about all the important things that have happened and how the Lord is in control. Maybe this will be a chance for me to really witness to her about a living faith.
Getting up first thing in the morning has been the hardest. Today when Handyman got up at 5am, I took a darvocet before I got out of bed, but even then it was easier today. It seems like I'll always have these things hanging off me--I feel like a chandelier, but I know that isn't the case. I started spraying the bathroom counter down with lysol after I do drains and using Dial soap everytime before I start. Remembering my mom's long battle with staph infection last year--don't want to go there.
My aunt is downstairs doing wild aerobics with my girls in the entryway! So great! She's calling out positions and they're into it! I remember my Jane Fonda days! Ha! Now I just want to sleep without a bra on!
I am on celebrex, keflex and darvocet as needed (once a day for the past three days). More importantly, someone who reads this blog scheduled an overdue mammogram for last week and has been called back for extra pictures today. Please pray for her--that what needs to be seen will be seen. And I told her,like they told me, 80-90% of these are nothing; so hang in there.
No path report for me yet.
Here's a link to a wonderful story about how you face adversity. Enjoy!
Getting up first thing in the morning has been the hardest. Today when Handyman got up at 5am, I took a darvocet before I got out of bed, but even then it was easier today. It seems like I'll always have these things hanging off me--I feel like a chandelier, but I know that isn't the case. I started spraying the bathroom counter down with lysol after I do drains and using Dial soap everytime before I start. Remembering my mom's long battle with staph infection last year--don't want to go there.
My aunt is downstairs doing wild aerobics with my girls in the entryway! So great! She's calling out positions and they're into it! I remember my Jane Fonda days! Ha! Now I just want to sleep without a bra on!
I am on celebrex, keflex and darvocet as needed (once a day for the past three days). More importantly, someone who reads this blog scheduled an overdue mammogram for last week and has been called back for extra pictures today. Please pray for her--that what needs to be seen will be seen. And I told her,like they told me, 80-90% of these are nothing; so hang in there.
No path report for me yet.
Here's a link to a wonderful story about how you face adversity. Enjoy!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Tired today
...but so encouraged and feel blessed by the care I have received. I was just reading on a breast cancer bulletin board and cannot believe some of the stuff there. I am so thankful for the doctors and nurse/PT care I have already received. I actually had to just leave the site or I would be writing comments all day about how different my experience has been from almost every one of those posted.
I guess the Lord is giving me a radically different experience for some reason, and I'm glad. I never cried before hand, in fact the only time I cried was on Tuesday afternoon when I was posting about being thankful for all of you. I had some fear of the surgery, nobody likes pain, but honestly, this is soooooo much easier than giving birth, or abdominal surgery or knee-replacement or something. This is truly a surgery "outside your body". It doesn't hurt to get up or move around and stretching and reaching feels like when you have sore muscles. The movement actually relieves some of the "pain". I hate to even call it that.
My surgeon had said in the beginning that this surgery "wasn't that bad" and I thought, yeah, you're a guy. But he was right and/or a great surgeon. It could also matter that I have this little canteen of local anaesthetic pumping into my sternum area for four days straight, hmmmmmmmmm.
Anyway, no word on pathology yet. More presents and friends showed up yesterday. KS with a b'day gift from her and Needa. KB with chocolate milk from Oberweis and Traders Point Creamery--YUMMM! Saw my punkins and picked them up from Awana. Everybody made their targets, so they were happy.
Took a big nap this morning and am glad for one more day of quiet house. Guess I just won't visit those boards anymore. Too frustrating--but how do you know if you're getting inadequate treatment/advice?? That's scarey.
Well, I'm gonna take the dog out and put on some real clothes. Gotta tell MIL today. Please pray she doesn't have a heart attack...
I guess the Lord is giving me a radically different experience for some reason, and I'm glad. I never cried before hand, in fact the only time I cried was on Tuesday afternoon when I was posting about being thankful for all of you. I had some fear of the surgery, nobody likes pain, but honestly, this is soooooo much easier than giving birth, or abdominal surgery or knee-replacement or something. This is truly a surgery "outside your body". It doesn't hurt to get up or move around and stretching and reaching feels like when you have sore muscles. The movement actually relieves some of the "pain". I hate to even call it that.
My surgeon had said in the beginning that this surgery "wasn't that bad" and I thought, yeah, you're a guy. But he was right and/or a great surgeon. It could also matter that I have this little canteen of local anaesthetic pumping into my sternum area for four days straight, hmmmmmmmmm.
Anyway, no word on pathology yet. More presents and friends showed up yesterday. KS with a b'day gift from her and Needa. KB with chocolate milk from Oberweis and Traders Point Creamery--YUMMM! Saw my punkins and picked them up from Awana. Everybody made their targets, so they were happy.
Took a big nap this morning and am glad for one more day of quiet house. Guess I just won't visit those boards anymore. Too frustrating--but how do you know if you're getting inadequate treatment/advice?? That's scarey.
Well, I'm gonna take the dog out and put on some real clothes. Gotta tell MIL today. Please pray she doesn't have a heart attack...
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
And the thank-you roll continues
Okay, yesterday when I got home, I opened presents from DF (wonderful Party Lite candles to overwhelm dog-smell), from MS (a beautiful bracelet and pretty note pad), a large pretty plant was delivered from my cousin JM in Ohio; #1's very sweet biology teacher showed up with sweet rolls and flowers and #1's biology book that got left behind on Monday.
I forgot to thank SP who drove all over God's green acres on Monday delivering my kids hither and yon. Her daughter made me sweet cards and her handsome little son has been wearing a pink breast cancer bracelet for weeks now, just for me! My grandma (a bc survivor) gave me a beautiful bc ribbon stained glass to hang in my window. My aunt has been cooking and doing laundry and laying with #2 in bed reading at night. My grandma has been keeping #3 entertained.
Then CR drove the kids to 4H last night and sent home a french-toast casserole to eat or freeze. I have gotten cards from my cousin in Ohio, a game-cube from my cousin in MD!, calls from my cousins elsewhere and lots of licking from Princess Tashi.
The Love Machine is putting up with laying on a chair next to me, but doesn't understand why he can't sit in his usual pose of facing me on my lap, with his arms up towards my neck, breathing my breath. At this point of not-showering, he may be better off. I have a little bag that holds a ball, literally, of pain med that is tubed right overtop of my sternum. The ball will empty by itself in about four days at which time, I just pull out the little tubes--personal growth. In the meantime I get to carry this heavy little canteen everywhere with me. I can't shower until it is empty.
I did look today and it's pretty darn amazing. My grandma can't believe I don't have "dressings" or "packing" or something. There's just little steri-strips over incisions and there's not one in my armpit, so he must've used a shop-vac or something. I wasn't paying that much attention.
Anyway, getting up that first time in the morning was a little tough, but it feels better to be moving and stretching. Drain things are gross, but you gotta do it. Watched Emma last night with Handyman, interrupted several times while he did all the kid driving and chores. He was a little whiney and I told him "Welcome to my life when you're at work or gone. Suck it up, Bud!" :)
The plastic surgeon stressed to my parents that I must not get constipated--okay, weird, but I am a rule-follower; so have loaded up on prunes. The physical therapist told me I am never to get blood pressure or needle sticks in my left arm EVER again. I should be careful to not get sunburned and always wear gloves when working outside, protecting myself from unnecessary infection opportunities through scratches, etc. Since lymph nodes have been removed, I have less protection. She said lymph nodes grab things that are too big for capillaries to move. That's why the cancer goes there. The lymph node is trying to catch it and kill it.
Napping is such an extravagance. What a treat! Thanks for all the well wishes. Praying for clean lymph nodes.
I forgot to thank SP who drove all over God's green acres on Monday delivering my kids hither and yon. Her daughter made me sweet cards and her handsome little son has been wearing a pink breast cancer bracelet for weeks now, just for me! My grandma (a bc survivor) gave me a beautiful bc ribbon stained glass to hang in my window. My aunt has been cooking and doing laundry and laying with #2 in bed reading at night. My grandma has been keeping #3 entertained.
Then CR drove the kids to 4H last night and sent home a french-toast casserole to eat or freeze. I have gotten cards from my cousin in Ohio, a game-cube from my cousin in MD!, calls from my cousins elsewhere and lots of licking from Princess Tashi.
The Love Machine is putting up with laying on a chair next to me, but doesn't understand why he can't sit in his usual pose of facing me on my lap, with his arms up towards my neck, breathing my breath. At this point of not-showering, he may be better off. I have a little bag that holds a ball, literally, of pain med that is tubed right overtop of my sternum. The ball will empty by itself in about four days at which time, I just pull out the little tubes--personal growth. In the meantime I get to carry this heavy little canteen everywhere with me. I can't shower until it is empty.
I did look today and it's pretty darn amazing. My grandma can't believe I don't have "dressings" or "packing" or something. There's just little steri-strips over incisions and there's not one in my armpit, so he must've used a shop-vac or something. I wasn't paying that much attention.
Anyway, getting up that first time in the morning was a little tough, but it feels better to be moving and stretching. Drain things are gross, but you gotta do it. Watched Emma last night with Handyman, interrupted several times while he did all the kid driving and chores. He was a little whiney and I told him "Welcome to my life when you're at work or gone. Suck it up, Bud!" :)
The plastic surgeon stressed to my parents that I must not get constipated--okay, weird, but I am a rule-follower; so have loaded up on prunes. The physical therapist told me I am never to get blood pressure or needle sticks in my left arm EVER again. I should be careful to not get sunburned and always wear gloves when working outside, protecting myself from unnecessary infection opportunities through scratches, etc. Since lymph nodes have been removed, I have less protection. She said lymph nodes grab things that are too big for capillaries to move. That's why the cancer goes there. The lymph node is trying to catch it and kill it.
Napping is such an extravagance. What a treat! Thanks for all the well wishes. Praying for clean lymph nodes.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I'm baaaaaaaaaaack...
but slower, and crabby, I am told! I cannot believe the outpouring of love and friendship for me...I didn't know that BFF Friday Nite Fites drove all that way and I didn't get to see her. Also that MS from Awana came for 1.5 hours (probably heard my entire life story from my mom), and that BFF Aibrean was there and BFF Needa, who helped me laugh away nerves. And Dad and the nurse and I talked football, forEVER.
Honestly, this is easier than childbirth. It's sore, like heavy duty muscle soreness, but I could brush my own hair and get out of bed, etc. The physical therapist had lots of good exercises and advice, that is completely opposite of a lot of things I read on the web--like: "sleep in a recliner for a month".
I'm pretty tired--I didn't even want to talk today--you know that's tired for me. I watched parts of Enchanted on tv last night but didn't see the end...bummer. I have lots of pretty presents and for my birthday tomorrow, Handyman will put my little nameplate on the back of the saddle I got to buy this summer. I've saved that little nameplate from the saddle I sold when #1 was a baby. I told him I'd get another one, and by golly he found it for me. I'll try to post a picture.
So, I want to have a party where all you lovely people get to come and be together where I can hug each of you (when I get back to hugging--right now I'm doing that knuckle-knock thing). LOVE, LOVE to ALL of YOU!
I've got tears in my eyes and big overstuffed men's wallets in my chest, and I'm gonna be 45 tomorrow. But you know what, I get to be 45 and I'm gonna be 46 and 47 and 48 and keep on going and never look back. And it's because of all of you that I smile and laugh and keep on keeping on...
LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!
Honestly, this is easier than childbirth. It's sore, like heavy duty muscle soreness, but I could brush my own hair and get out of bed, etc. The physical therapist had lots of good exercises and advice, that is completely opposite of a lot of things I read on the web--like: "sleep in a recliner for a month".
I'm pretty tired--I didn't even want to talk today--you know that's tired for me. I watched parts of Enchanted on tv last night but didn't see the end...bummer. I have lots of pretty presents and for my birthday tomorrow, Handyman will put my little nameplate on the back of the saddle I got to buy this summer. I've saved that little nameplate from the saddle I sold when #1 was a baby. I told him I'd get another one, and by golly he found it for me. I'll try to post a picture.
So, I want to have a party where all you lovely people get to come and be together where I can hug each of you (when I get back to hugging--right now I'm doing that knuckle-knock thing). LOVE, LOVE to ALL of YOU!
I've got tears in my eyes and big overstuffed men's wallets in my chest, and I'm gonna be 45 tomorrow. But you know what, I get to be 45 and I'm gonna be 46 and 47 and 48 and keep on going and never look back. And it's because of all of you that I smile and laugh and keep on keeping on...
LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I'm thankful!
...for so many friends who have written, called, brought things. I even got a lovely present from my health insurance agent, who wants to come over and pray for me, laying hands on me! Isn't that sweet? She sent me an angel sculpture and the angel is clutching a book to her chest. It is so darling.
I'm thankful for my family who is bending over backwards trying to do everything they possibly can for me. I'm having to beat them back with a stick--what a comfort. My grandma came from 8 hrs. away to help watch girls and give moral support. My aunt is here, cooking and loving on everyone and holding down the fort. I have other friends driving girls here and there and dying to bring food.
I am thankful that I am not having a knee replaced or open-heart surgery. I am thankful that I have been told to shower 68 times with abrasive soap to cleanse myself of every-known organism, to the point that my finger tips are cracking open!
I am thankful that I am getting possibly the city's best plastic surgeon, FOR FREE!
I am thankful for all the info posted by ladies who have been-here-done-this on BC bulletin boards across the web. I've learned several important things and now I'll be able to add my 2 cents to help someone else.
Am I nervous? Yeah, sure. Probably less nervous than I would be if I had to donate a kidney to one of my kids tomorrow. Boobs? Used 'em. Done with that. Wouldn't mind a better set, really. Free? I get to live longer and look better?? Cool. sign me up.
I'm thankful that I missed some mammograms and so I needed a 6-month check back. Otherwise it'd be next March before they'd be seeing this thing. I'm thankful that the techs at the biopsy went and got the doctor when they couldn't find it. She didn't have any trouble. I'm thankful that the doctor was a horse person, so I had something interesting to talk about while I was being "spear-fished".
I'm thankful to scoop poop. I'll miss that for the next several months. I'm thankful for furry kissable horses that take my mind off everything. I'm thankful for sweater vest season. I'm thankful that Christmas is coming. I'm thankful for health insurance.
Gotta go shower, AGAIN. Check in with Needer tomorrow at this blog
for updates. (Probably not until after 5pm.)
Boobs Away!! :)
I'm thankful for my family who is bending over backwards trying to do everything they possibly can for me. I'm having to beat them back with a stick--what a comfort. My grandma came from 8 hrs. away to help watch girls and give moral support. My aunt is here, cooking and loving on everyone and holding down the fort. I have other friends driving girls here and there and dying to bring food.
I am thankful that I am not having a knee replaced or open-heart surgery. I am thankful that I have been told to shower 68 times with abrasive soap to cleanse myself of every-known organism, to the point that my finger tips are cracking open!
I am thankful that I am getting possibly the city's best plastic surgeon, FOR FREE!
I am thankful for all the info posted by ladies who have been-here-done-this on BC bulletin boards across the web. I've learned several important things and now I'll be able to add my 2 cents to help someone else.
Am I nervous? Yeah, sure. Probably less nervous than I would be if I had to donate a kidney to one of my kids tomorrow. Boobs? Used 'em. Done with that. Wouldn't mind a better set, really. Free? I get to live longer and look better?? Cool. sign me up.
I'm thankful that I missed some mammograms and so I needed a 6-month check back. Otherwise it'd be next March before they'd be seeing this thing. I'm thankful that the techs at the biopsy went and got the doctor when they couldn't find it. She didn't have any trouble. I'm thankful that the doctor was a horse person, so I had something interesting to talk about while I was being "spear-fished".
I'm thankful to scoop poop. I'll miss that for the next several months. I'm thankful for furry kissable horses that take my mind off everything. I'm thankful for sweater vest season. I'm thankful that Christmas is coming. I'm thankful for health insurance.
Gotta go shower, AGAIN. Check in with Needer tomorrow at this blog
for updates. (Probably not until after 5pm.)
Boobs Away!! :)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
How curious are you?
I am posting a link to a site that has been a big help to me. I am COMPLETELY visual. That's why there are things sitting everywhere in my house. If I don't see it, I have trouble remembering it or what I wanted to do with it. Poor Handyman.
Anyway, this is a very simple site that shows images of the young woman from post-surgery to completion of her expanders to replacement with implants. Her story took much longer than mine. She didn't put in the expanders until after she was healed from the original mastectomy. I'm doing the express version.
But at least you'll be able to see what's about to happen. I've read that the expanders are like a man's overstuffed wallet. They appear to have some squarishness to them. Thank heavens for sweater season! Handyman says he doesn't want me to end up looking like Susan Lucci, who you can see a "lot" of on Dancing With the Stars.
I have way too much yard mowing to end up like that! ;)
Here's the link: Graphic images--presented well.
Anyway, this is a very simple site that shows images of the young woman from post-surgery to completion of her expanders to replacement with implants. Her story took much longer than mine. She didn't put in the expanders until after she was healed from the original mastectomy. I'm doing the express version.
But at least you'll be able to see what's about to happen. I've read that the expanders are like a man's overstuffed wallet. They appear to have some squarishness to them. Thank heavens for sweater season! Handyman says he doesn't want me to end up looking like Susan Lucci, who you can see a "lot" of on Dancing With the Stars.
I have way too much yard mowing to end up like that! ;)
Here's the link: Graphic images--presented well.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Concessions to the big-C
Although I am still in a large amount of denial over this whole thing--that'll end some time on Monday night--I am beginning to make some concessions to the big "C". Like, I am spending $5.69 a gallon for organic milk for my kids. I have all but eliminated milk-to-drink from my diet, except for Starbucks frappucino milk. I have cut back on cheese, a lot, but cheese is one of my reasons for living. All this dairy avoidance due to the estrogen-like hormones being jammed into dairy cows to keep their production at insane-maximum levels. There's just no way that some of that isn't getting through to the milk. China/Japan have like 1/10 of our breast cancer rates...some of that is probably low diagnosis, but they don't eat dairy over there, period. They think we are crazy for drinking milk meant for baby animals that need to gain 2+ lbs. per day. Sooo, what can it hurt me? (Please don't forget that most hormonally-soaked dairy cows end their over-milked lives as fast food burger, and school lunch burger--avoid at all costs.)
Also, I am not using deodorant very regularly. Some of you may have noticed this...hopefully not. There's talk about aluminums in deodorant. Hmmm, deodorant goes near the breast, a lot. What harm can this do?? Handyman smells way worse than me most of the time and I've been hanging out close to him for almost 2 decades. You people will just have to toughen up, I guess.
I am not haranguing my kids about schoolwork this week. They'll all fail this semester and have to start over, I guess. Whatever, not worth it this week.
I have been enjoying every forkful of manure I have hefted this week, knowing that I won't be doing it for awhile. Honestly. I like hefting poop. It's a spiritual thing for me. I am appreciative of lifting, and pulling, and pushing and dragging. I will not overlook these important actions again.
Well, I'm off to lather, lather, lather in all the important places. This will be the best I've smelled since high school!
My friend Needa, will be posting for you all on Monday, Tuesday and until I return. Here's a link to her blog, but don't look there until Monday pm.
Also, I am not using deodorant very regularly. Some of you may have noticed this...hopefully not. There's talk about aluminums in deodorant. Hmmm, deodorant goes near the breast, a lot. What harm can this do?? Handyman smells way worse than me most of the time and I've been hanging out close to him for almost 2 decades. You people will just have to toughen up, I guess.
I am not haranguing my kids about schoolwork this week. They'll all fail this semester and have to start over, I guess. Whatever, not worth it this week.
I have been enjoying every forkful of manure I have hefted this week, knowing that I won't be doing it for awhile. Honestly. I like hefting poop. It's a spiritual thing for me. I am appreciative of lifting, and pulling, and pushing and dragging. I will not overlook these important actions again.
Well, I'm off to lather, lather, lather in all the important places. This will be the best I've smelled since high school!
My friend Needa, will be posting for you all on Monday, Tuesday and until I return. Here's a link to her blog, but don't look there until Monday pm.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your
cousins! My cousin CK, whose diapers I changed when I was 14 years old, turned into a terrific woman who has a fabulous orange-haired family. She scoured her friends, searching for someone who has been "in my shoes" to give me some one-on-one support and it took about 15 minutes or so, for someone to turn up!
CK's friend, Lisa, works with a woman named Dara who was more than happy to talk/email to me about her situation--and what an encouragement it has been for me! Dara is in the midst of her reconstruction, which she began a year after her dbl. mastectomy. She had 14 lymph nodes taken out, but no chemo, no radiation and no cancer left! She was very encouraging on a lot of levels and said I can call anytime.
I got the giant packet of info from the plastic surgeon, along with the instructions that I need to be "marked" on Monday morning at 9am. I also got a certificate for a free facial and analysis at the plastic surgeon's office anytime in the next 6 months. I sent the plastic surgeon a heartfelt thank-you note today, expressing my complete and utter beholdance to her for the rest of my life. I did hold off on offering to clean her office or something--didn't want her to think I was a stalker!
Did I mention that I have to bathe twice a day on Fri, Sat and Sun with anti-bacterial soap, leaving the suds on for 5 minutes? The plastic surgeon said something like 70% or more infections are brought in on the patient, so she wants me clean, clean, clean. I guess it's a good thing that I scrubbed out the water tanks today before the rain...
I will be posting a link to a friend's blog, where she will update on Monday as she gets word on my surgery, etc. That way you can just check in.
For those of you worrying about me or my surgery, or my recovery, etc., I wanted to remind you of the low level of my duress, at this point. Here's someone who has/is really going through something: check this out.
CK's friend, Lisa, works with a woman named Dara who was more than happy to talk/email to me about her situation--and what an encouragement it has been for me! Dara is in the midst of her reconstruction, which she began a year after her dbl. mastectomy. She had 14 lymph nodes taken out, but no chemo, no radiation and no cancer left! She was very encouraging on a lot of levels and said I can call anytime.
I got the giant packet of info from the plastic surgeon, along with the instructions that I need to be "marked" on Monday morning at 9am. I also got a certificate for a free facial and analysis at the plastic surgeon's office anytime in the next 6 months. I sent the plastic surgeon a heartfelt thank-you note today, expressing my complete and utter beholdance to her for the rest of my life. I did hold off on offering to clean her office or something--didn't want her to think I was a stalker!
Did I mention that I have to bathe twice a day on Fri, Sat and Sun with anti-bacterial soap, leaving the suds on for 5 minutes? The plastic surgeon said something like 70% or more infections are brought in on the patient, so she wants me clean, clean, clean. I guess it's a good thing that I scrubbed out the water tanks today before the rain...
I will be posting a link to a friend's blog, where she will update on Monday as she gets word on my surgery, etc. That way you can just check in.
For those of you worrying about me or my surgery, or my recovery, etc., I wanted to remind you of the low level of my duress, at this point. Here's someone who has/is really going through something: check this out.
Blood draw
I had my blood drawn on Monday to be tested for the BRCA gene mutation. Of course, I have to hope and pray that my insurance will pay for it, because the test costs $3500. My surgeon did send a letter requesting the test (at my request), since I have three daughters. I want to know for them.
Countdown to the big day has begun. I had dinner last night with some girlfriends and that was fun. I, of course, feel pretty numb about the whole thing right now. Next Wednesday is my 45th birthday. I would like no lymph node involvement for my birthday, thank you very much. No chemo would just be icing on the cake. I am reading not-very-nice things about lots of cancer drugs, so I am hoping for lots of mercy on that front.
I get go see Sarah Palin on Friday. That should be distracting. I also loaded up on Jane Austen books on CD to load onto my MP3 player.
BTW, Handyman has a job for Monday--I really insisted he go ahead and take it. I won't be out of surgery until supper time anyway. So, if anyone is in the neighborhood Monday afternoon and wants to stop in a see my parents while they wait, that would help them pass the time.
Countdown to the big day has begun. I had dinner last night with some girlfriends and that was fun. I, of course, feel pretty numb about the whole thing right now. Next Wednesday is my 45th birthday. I would like no lymph node involvement for my birthday, thank you very much. No chemo would just be icing on the cake. I am reading not-very-nice things about lots of cancer drugs, so I am hoping for lots of mercy on that front.
I get go see Sarah Palin on Friday. That should be distracting. I also loaded up on Jane Austen books on CD to load onto my MP3 player.
BTW, Handyman has a job for Monday--I really insisted he go ahead and take it. I won't be out of surgery until supper time anyway. So, if anyone is in the neighborhood Monday afternoon and wants to stop in a see my parents while they wait, that would help them pass the time.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Space Mountain
Did you ever ride Space Mountain at Disneyworld? It is an indoor roller coaster, completely in the DARK...that's right, dark. There are some neon type lights here and there and if you can keep your eyes open and your head relatively still, while you're whipping around at 60+ mph, you can see the tracks, but you certainly can't see where you're going. That's my life right now.
We had a great sermon about Amy Carmichael yesterday, to kick off a missions oriented weekend thing. I already know some about AC, but it was great to learn even more. I wish I could replay the entire thing for you, you might be able to download it at www.yourchurch.com and see if they have an MP3 of sermons--I think they do. ANYWAY, it was about the contradictions in the Bible, last shall be first, to live you must die, etc. Anyway, I liked it a lot and heard words for me about not being in control and surrendering to Jesus.
So, this morning as we are squabbling about biology and trying to get ready to go, the phone rings and it's Dr. T's office (the breast surgeon). Denise, his ass't says that the 1st plastic surgeon's office has just called her. This is the wonder-plastic surgeon, recommended and loved by all, whose office never noticed that they weren't in my network. The dream surgeon that I had to let go of, and was preparing to write a complaint to...
Her office called Dr. T's office to say that she was so "mortified" about what had happened to me that she wants to do my reconstruction, for FREE. F-R-E-E, no dinero, zippo, zilch, because I was inconvenienced. I cannot believe it still, really. Anyway, that puts me back on target for surgery on 10/20, next Monday, after all.
I am reminding myself now how I really did like Space Mountain. Maybe it was because I couldn't see what was coming. Maybe that's just easier for me.
We had a great sermon about Amy Carmichael yesterday, to kick off a missions oriented weekend thing. I already know some about AC, but it was great to learn even more. I wish I could replay the entire thing for you, you might be able to download it at www.yourchurch.com and see if they have an MP3 of sermons--I think they do. ANYWAY, it was about the contradictions in the Bible, last shall be first, to live you must die, etc. Anyway, I liked it a lot and heard words for me about not being in control and surrendering to Jesus.
So, this morning as we are squabbling about biology and trying to get ready to go, the phone rings and it's Dr. T's office (the breast surgeon). Denise, his ass't says that the 1st plastic surgeon's office has just called her. This is the wonder-plastic surgeon, recommended and loved by all, whose office never noticed that they weren't in my network. The dream surgeon that I had to let go of, and was preparing to write a complaint to...
Her office called Dr. T's office to say that she was so "mortified" about what had happened to me that she wants to do my reconstruction, for FREE. F-R-E-E, no dinero, zippo, zilch, because I was inconvenienced. I cannot believe it still, really. Anyway, that puts me back on target for surgery on 10/20, next Monday, after all.
I am reminding myself now how I really did like Space Mountain. Maybe it was because I couldn't see what was coming. Maybe that's just easier for me.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Back to square two
I bought this beauty (above) on the day I had my biopsy done. It was a wonderful "garage sale" at the local, country church. I went there that afternoon with #2 and got some great buys as varied as new shoes and a corner water bucket for the barn, oh, and a shell necklace. I saw this across the room and really, really wanted it. It looked hardly used and so vibrant. I love the black ones and was sure I couldn't spare the money to buy it. When I found the price tag, I was so excited--$3.50!! Can you believe that? I knew some wonderful person had spent hours and hours making it, just to sell it for $3.50. I was thrilled to snatch it up and thought to myself, if I have cancer, this will be my special blanket. I can't look at it without being happy. It is sooooooo beautiful. Well, I have a cancer, which will be vacating soon, and I will never regret "splurging" for $3.50. It will always remind me of the beginning of this journey, in a good way.
So, all the great story I was going to tell about the wonderful plastic surgeon, with the terrific referrals, etc. is for naught. After having my paperwork for a week, and me for three hours in the office and then another week to "think about it" or something, her office figured out that they are not in my network--duh. I am already formulating the letter I will send when/if I get a bill for the "consultation". When your deductible is into the five-figures, I am not going to offer to pay for that kind of a clerical error. Hopefully, they will choose to eat it and not even send me anything. I'll let you know.
So, rather than wait until Novemer 20, I am going with the surgeon who can get me done on 10/28. Choosing a surgeon based on date is a little disconcerting. Sometimes a lot disconcerting, but I really don't feel like diddling around much longer. Trust is an interesting concept...the surgeon's office says this plastic surgeon is a "complete perfectionist". She is my age, was in the Air Force, so--okay, let's do it. I don't know!
I have had multiple moments of thinking of not doing reconstruction now, at all. Waiting for next year or something. But I really don't want to get all healed up and then start again, although the recon would be much less, I think. I JUST DON'T KNOW.
Then when reading some breast cancer blogs, from a blog roll somewhere, I click on one about "Jane" or somebody and the most recent post from January is from the husband, saying that "Jane" passed away peacefully, yada yada!! Yikes--that threw me for a loop for the rest of that day. This is where denial and compartmentalization come in handy.
Church was terrific again today...about the life of Amy Carmichael, who I was somewhat familiar with. Very encouraging about not being in charge of what happens to your life; certainly learning that.
I don't know if I have said it here, but I know I have told some people that cancer has already made me a better person. That is my continuing plan...
Gotta go live some life...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
News Flash
Just because I have never had many dealings with health insurance (NOT!), I have a new one to add to my repetoire:
Today, after I was at the plastic surgeon last Friday for THREE HOURS, after they had received my info a week prior to that; Today, they realized that they are not in my insurance network! Yep, so it would probably cost me into the tens of thousands of dollars to go to her.
So, Dr. T's other go-to-gal couldn't do surgery on me until November 20. I don't know about you folks, but I can't take the whole consuming disease in my body--wait a month, thing. So, I asked for another and thank the Lord I live in a big city, because, THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE.
So, Dr. T's other go-to-gal can do me on October 28, eight days after originally planned. I'm about ready to, well you know we are big DIY people here, but I'm thinking this might be worth the professional call...
Anyway, I'm holding until October 28 for those of you counting down. One more week to get my doots in a pile, get my house cleaned, horses ridden, schoolroom organized, kids bathed, sunsets appreciated, the whole thing.
I did read that breast surgery is relatively risk-free. You have more likelihood of being struck by lightening than dying in breast surgery. Well that's great, since they're not operating on any REQUIRED ORGAN!
I'm glad I haven't told #2 or MIL yet. Another week would be murder on them.
And I'm already formulating a letter, in case I get a bill for the 3-hour/not-in-my-network consultation.
(So thankful nationalized healthcare hasn't happened yet!)
Today, after I was at the plastic surgeon last Friday for THREE HOURS, after they had received my info a week prior to that; Today, they realized that they are not in my insurance network! Yep, so it would probably cost me into the tens of thousands of dollars to go to her.
So, Dr. T's other go-to-gal couldn't do surgery on me until November 20. I don't know about you folks, but I can't take the whole consuming disease in my body--wait a month, thing. So, I asked for another and thank the Lord I live in a big city, because, THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE.
So, Dr. T's other go-to-gal can do me on October 28, eight days after originally planned. I'm about ready to, well you know we are big DIY people here, but I'm thinking this might be worth the professional call...
Anyway, I'm holding until October 28 for those of you counting down. One more week to get my doots in a pile, get my house cleaned, horses ridden, schoolroom organized, kids bathed, sunsets appreciated, the whole thing.
I did read that breast surgery is relatively risk-free. You have more likelihood of being struck by lightening than dying in breast surgery. Well that's great, since they're not operating on any REQUIRED ORGAN!
I'm glad I haven't told #2 or MIL yet. Another week would be murder on them.
And I'm already formulating a letter, in case I get a bill for the 3-hour/not-in-my-network consultation.
(So thankful nationalized healthcare hasn't happened yet!)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
He was always there
So, I guess you could think that God was not being a big help--after all, I have cancer now. Well, that first day of diagnosis, the gal from the High Risk Breast Center (note to self: tell her to change her voice mail message for heaven's sake) was getting ready to set me up with the breast surgeon that my ob normally refers to, when I mentioned that my in-laws are close friends with a retired breast surgeon, who they told me was very prominent in my city. I mentioned this man's name to her, asking if she had heard of him...not only had she heard of him, she had worked with him many times, highly respected him and related how sad she was when he retired. I explained that my husband had grown up next door to this man and his parents were still friends with them, etc. She said, "Well then you'll probably want to see the surgeon he trained and gave his practice to, Dr. T." She wanted to run that past my ob, but was very comfortable saying that Dr. T. was also someone she liked a great deal and trusted.
She called back within just a few minutes to say that my ob was very comfortable sending me to Dr. T. and she could get me in there on Thursday, three days away. By this time I was heading to the library to do my usual--load up on a million books to peruse and surround myself with. Books truly make me feel comfortable, looking at them, carrying them around; I think it's a disease. ;) I'm thinking, fine lumpectomy and radiation. I remember telling my grandma that the recurrence rate for mastectomy v. lumpectomy/radiation was almost equal. A couple of the books said that LCIS was actually a cancer, but a precancerous cell abnormality and that LCIS was a "good" diagnosis.
When I got online to register at Dr. T's office, I found out he had been named best breast surgeon in my city by the city magazine, three years in a row. I was glad to know that that voting is done by peers, not by magazine staff. Still, no grief or sadness, honestly. Annoyance and dread of telling my parents.
Handyman was more shocked than me, I think. It is difficult, because our neighbor's young wife died of breast cancer over Memorial Day weekend, leaving 2 small children. We felt terrible and have been driving those little punkins to Awana. I knew I couldn't tell them, no matter what.
When I saw Dr. T. on Thursday, I think he was surprised that I was by myself. I didn't mind at all being by myself. I don't think I would want my husband with me while I have a breast exam by a strange guy. Anyway, Dr. T. is soft spoken, approachable, a little older than me but not much. He said other than where the clip is from my biopsy, my mammo pictures look really good. Nothing of note. He felt nothing in any of my lymph nodes and didn't mention that he could feel anything in the breast exam. All good signs. He wanted me to have an MRI, later in my cycle, so that the breast are at "low ebb" on hormones. Then they give you contrast during the MRI because cancer processes the dye much differently than "normal" tissue. So that was set up for 10 days later.
He said assuming that my MRI was clean and that my lymph nodes were clean, I might have less than a 50% chance of having chemo. I told him that my hair was my one vanity and I would sure like to keep it, but in reality, that too is temporary and if it means I get to be at my daughters' weddings and be a grandma, then whoopdeedoo. Bring it on--
I kept thinking of my poor neighbor with pancreatic cancer, who died within a couple weeks of his diagnosis and I honestly was thankful to have this instead. I kept thinking of a picture of a shelf on the wall with all the "terrible" things that could happen to you, but you have to pick one...which would you pick?? Honestly, this might not be that bad a choice. They can't make a falsie for your pancreas, or your brain stem.
So God, knowing that someday little Handyman would grow up and marry a girl who was born in Germany, planted him next door to a man that became a prominent breast surgeon, who would someday give his practice to a younger man from Iowa, who would someday work to save my life...
She called back within just a few minutes to say that my ob was very comfortable sending me to Dr. T. and she could get me in there on Thursday, three days away. By this time I was heading to the library to do my usual--load up on a million books to peruse and surround myself with. Books truly make me feel comfortable, looking at them, carrying them around; I think it's a disease. ;) I'm thinking, fine lumpectomy and radiation. I remember telling my grandma that the recurrence rate for mastectomy v. lumpectomy/radiation was almost equal. A couple of the books said that LCIS was actually a cancer, but a precancerous cell abnormality and that LCIS was a "good" diagnosis.
When I got online to register at Dr. T's office, I found out he had been named best breast surgeon in my city by the city magazine, three years in a row. I was glad to know that that voting is done by peers, not by magazine staff. Still, no grief or sadness, honestly. Annoyance and dread of telling my parents.
Handyman was more shocked than me, I think. It is difficult, because our neighbor's young wife died of breast cancer over Memorial Day weekend, leaving 2 small children. We felt terrible and have been driving those little punkins to Awana. I knew I couldn't tell them, no matter what.
When I saw Dr. T. on Thursday, I think he was surprised that I was by myself. I didn't mind at all being by myself. I don't think I would want my husband with me while I have a breast exam by a strange guy. Anyway, Dr. T. is soft spoken, approachable, a little older than me but not much. He said other than where the clip is from my biopsy, my mammo pictures look really good. Nothing of note. He felt nothing in any of my lymph nodes and didn't mention that he could feel anything in the breast exam. All good signs. He wanted me to have an MRI, later in my cycle, so that the breast are at "low ebb" on hormones. Then they give you contrast during the MRI because cancer processes the dye much differently than "normal" tissue. So that was set up for 10 days later.
He said assuming that my MRI was clean and that my lymph nodes were clean, I might have less than a 50% chance of having chemo. I told him that my hair was my one vanity and I would sure like to keep it, but in reality, that too is temporary and if it means I get to be at my daughters' weddings and be a grandma, then whoopdeedoo. Bring it on--
I kept thinking of my poor neighbor with pancreatic cancer, who died within a couple weeks of his diagnosis and I honestly was thankful to have this instead. I kept thinking of a picture of a shelf on the wall with all the "terrible" things that could happen to you, but you have to pick one...which would you pick?? Honestly, this might not be that bad a choice. They can't make a falsie for your pancreas, or your brain stem.
So God, knowing that someday little Handyman would grow up and marry a girl who was born in Germany, planted him next door to a man that became a prominent breast surgeon, who would someday give his practice to a younger man from Iowa, who would someday work to save my life...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
and then...
over that weekend we had a great dinner party with a bunch of friends from way back and it was easy to be happy, but not really carefree. Everything I had read said that 80-90% of these biopsies were benign or negative. But no one in on the procedure had said "don't worry, it's probably nothing." They probably aren't allowed to say that to anyone. I think that would be the hardest part. I would want to reassure and comfort everyone.
On Monday, I took #1 to her classes at 11 and was just back out in the parking lot when Handyman called and said the hospital had called. He gave me the number and when I called it back, the message on the line said "This is Julie at the Blah-Blah High-Risk Breast Center." Hmmmmmm, this did not bode well, methinks. So I took a deep breath, looked at the bright sunshine and thought--"I can get through this." That was truly my first thought. I didn't think about death or being scared. We're all going to die of something, sometime. And I love that scripture about us being foreigners here, but I digress...
She called me before I could call the other number I had and asked if I was driving at the moment and when I said no, she said my biopsy showed LCIS and "invasive" which is a really scarey word, but doesn't necessarily mean "all over your body", it just means, leaving the immediate area.
Anyway, I just didn't feel any need to get crazy. It's an issue to be handled--that's how I see it. As I've said to many people, it's not my pancreas. They don't make a falsie for your pancreas; you just die. It's not my brain; it's not even a really bad car accident where you have to learn to walk and speak again, and you don't remember your kids...they're just boobs.
And that's just what I thought, until I started looking at pictures on the internet...
On Monday, I took #1 to her classes at 11 and was just back out in the parking lot when Handyman called and said the hospital had called. He gave me the number and when I called it back, the message on the line said "This is Julie at the Blah-Blah High-Risk Breast Center." Hmmmmmm, this did not bode well, methinks. So I took a deep breath, looked at the bright sunshine and thought--"I can get through this." That was truly my first thought. I didn't think about death or being scared. We're all going to die of something, sometime. And I love that scripture about us being foreigners here, but I digress...
She called me before I could call the other number I had and asked if I was driving at the moment and when I said no, she said my biopsy showed LCIS and "invasive" which is a really scarey word, but doesn't necessarily mean "all over your body", it just means, leaving the immediate area.
Anyway, I just didn't feel any need to get crazy. It's an issue to be handled--that's how I see it. As I've said to many people, it's not my pancreas. They don't make a falsie for your pancreas; you just die. It's not my brain; it's not even a really bad car accident where you have to learn to walk and speak again, and you don't remember your kids...they're just boobs.
And that's just what I thought, until I started looking at pictures on the internet...
Monday, October 6, 2008
Here's the beginning...
I had not gone for a mammogram for about 3 years. My doctor's practice had moved, and somehow my name had fallen through the cracks (I assume) since I never got a reminder card. I was busy, no big deal. But around the first of the year, I figured I'd better get back on schedule so I got an appt. for March to do my annual exam and mammogram.
As far as I know, that mammo was fine. They told me to come back in six months, as this March picture would be my new baseline and they would want to check for any changes in that time. If all was the same, I would be back on an annual schedule.
So, September 11, I went for that six-month follow-up. They took umpteen pictures and came back and took more. Of course, you know something is going on and you have to keep sitting in the hall in those ridiculous capelet things, reading trashy magazines and waiting with all the other nervous ladies in ridiculous capelet things.
Finally, they asked me to come over to the ultrasound room and started in on my there. It was all focusing on my left breast--the biggie. When #3 was finishing up her nursing career, she focused entirely on the left side. #2 had also favored the left side, but I hadn't given up the right entirely at that point. The left side also had mastitis with #2. It's the work horse, the power house, the one that drags my bra strap down 648 times per day.
The ultrasound showed a "spot" that they couldn't define and they recommended a needle biopsy at the breast center. They would leave a titanium clip in the mark the spot for any future return. The soonest they could get me in was the next Thursday, seven days later.
Soooooo, off I went. At first, the technicians could find nothing! Yipee! I thought. But, of course, they had to bring in the doctor to confirm the missing spot. She found it, pretty quickly, actually, but it was a little tricky.
A breast biopsy isn't very fun, but not terribly painful. A little like being shot with a tiny, little spear-gun. There's even a nasty metallic gun-clicking noise that they warn you about right before, so you don't leap off the table like a tuna!
That was on a Thursday morning, so the results wouldn't be back before the weekend.
The good part was that the doctor was "horsey". We talked horses the whole time and at the end, I told her thanks (??) and that I sincerely hoped I would never, ever see her again...
As far as I know, that mammo was fine. They told me to come back in six months, as this March picture would be my new baseline and they would want to check for any changes in that time. If all was the same, I would be back on an annual schedule.
So, September 11, I went for that six-month follow-up. They took umpteen pictures and came back and took more. Of course, you know something is going on and you have to keep sitting in the hall in those ridiculous capelet things, reading trashy magazines and waiting with all the other nervous ladies in ridiculous capelet things.
Finally, they asked me to come over to the ultrasound room and started in on my there. It was all focusing on my left breast--the biggie. When #3 was finishing up her nursing career, she focused entirely on the left side. #2 had also favored the left side, but I hadn't given up the right entirely at that point. The left side also had mastitis with #2. It's the work horse, the power house, the one that drags my bra strap down 648 times per day.
The ultrasound showed a "spot" that they couldn't define and they recommended a needle biopsy at the breast center. They would leave a titanium clip in the mark the spot for any future return. The soonest they could get me in was the next Thursday, seven days later.
Soooooo, off I went. At first, the technicians could find nothing! Yipee! I thought. But, of course, they had to bring in the doctor to confirm the missing spot. She found it, pretty quickly, actually, but it was a little tricky.
A breast biopsy isn't very fun, but not terribly painful. A little like being shot with a tiny, little spear-gun. There's even a nasty metallic gun-clicking noise that they warn you about right before, so you don't leap off the table like a tuna!
That was on a Thursday morning, so the results wouldn't be back before the weekend.
The good part was that the doctor was "horsey". We talked horses the whole time and at the end, I told her thanks (??) and that I sincerely hoped I would never, ever see her again...
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